Family Life: Stop Comparing And Decide What YOU Want

Kids have a tendency to compare their life to their friends’ lives. They might argue over who got more gifts for Christmas, who has better clothes, or who’s more popular at school. As a parent, you probably tell your child not to compare. 

 

It’s easy to tell your kids to stop this habit, but it’s not easy to model it. When other families in your neighborhood move to bigger homes in better neighborhoods, you might feel the pressure to do the same thing. 

 

When your friends travel more often and further away, you might feel that your family is lagging behind. Even simple things like your child’s birthday party can cause you to compare, so you spend time and money planning an elaborate party that’s better than their friends’ parties. 

 

Is Comparison Making Your Family Miserable?

 

Like your kids, you may feel the need to measure up and prove that you and your family are just as good as everyone else. But constantly trying to outdo everyone else can cause you and your family members to experience overwhelm, burnout, depression, and even panic attacks.

 

Maybe you recognize some of your own comparison habits or the habits of your children. The good news is that you can undo the damage with time and practice.

 

What Do Kids Really Want?

 

As a parent, you might be tempted to believe that what your child really wants is the latest gaming console, the best clothes, or the hottest electronics. But social experiments like Ikea: The Other Letter show that children prefer quality time with their parents to gifts and expensive luxury items. 

 

You don’t have to move your family to a remote cabin in the mountains in order to spend more quality time together. You can play board games, go on a hike, or build a fort in the living room. Even simple things like going to the grocery store together can be special if you and your child power off the electronics. By disconnecting with technology, you and your child will find it easier to connect with each other. 

 

How Can You Inspire Your Kids?

 

Another helpful way to end comparisons is to create a family vision board. This lets you and your kids define what you value most as individuals and as a family. You can use this board to guide you when making family decisions so that everyone feels heard.

 

You can also help your kids stop comparing their lives to their friends’ by getting them involved in events for those in need. When your child volunteers at a soup kitchen every Saturday, they gain perspective. They begin to understand that there are worse things than having leftovers twice a week. When you encourage your child to help others, you’re teaching them to develop an attitude of gratitude and creating a desire to serve others. 

When it comes to comparison, understand that it can take some time to change your family’s attitudes. Keep working at it and encourage your kids to hold you accountable, too.

 

Reflections And Intentions…

 

1. Who do you find yourself comparing your family to? In what ways do you compare?

            

2. When your kids start comparing themselves to their friends, what advice do you usually offer? Does this advice seem to help?

            

3. How can you get your kids involved in activities that help those in need?

How Loving Your Life Makes Everything Better

The key to making your life work the way you want it lies in the power of your thoughts and emotions. Combined, they help create your reality.

 

This means that when you choose to be positive and love your life, it’ll love you right back. Deciding to be happy makes you better at handling challenging situations. It helps you build inner strength, resilience, and a sense of inner peace.

 

We rounded up five ways to show how loving your life makes everything better. Take a look.

 

You Feel More Authentic

 

When you start loving your life, you feel this calm flowing around you. Gone are the days of being anxious and on edge because you lived on someone else’s terms.

 

People who live their life this way enjoy more freedom and empowerment than they’ve ever felt before. The reason?

 

They’re doing the things that allow them to find their authentic self. It’s also knowing the little things that bring joy to your everyday life. This can be as simple as taking a few minutes each day to read a book or do some mindfulness meditation.

 

It can also be more substantial, like volunteering or learning a new language. Whatever it is, make sure it makes you love life and brings out your true self.

 

You Stop Pleasing People

 

One of the things that can quickly rid your life of happiness is trying to be a people-pleaser. Whether it’s your partner, friend, or loved ones, trying to please everyone is taxing and takes its toll on our physical and mental health.

 

We sometimes get so used to pleasing others that we even do it with random strangers!

 

It may sound like a good thing from the outside. But it prevents us from being our true selves because we’re always worried about what others think about us.

 

Yet, this doesn’t mean you take other people for granted or don’t consider what they have to say. But it’s all about finding the right balance. Just make sure you don’t sacrifice your peace of mind for the sake of theirs.

 

You’re Content with the ‘Right Now’

 

If you’re not happy with your present moment, then nothing will ever be good enough for you. You probably think that buying that big house or shiny car is enough to make you happy and satisfied. But that’s just seeing the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

 

Then, when you finally end up on the other side, you’re not as happy as you thought you’d be. Because you haven't perfected the fine art of fulfillment, you’ll soon find things that are wrong with that as well.

 

Instead, you have to take actionable steps toward appreciating your present just as it is. That’s the first step in loving your life.

 

Sure, it’s okay to dream and set goals, and work hard to achieve them. But just always be grateful for what you have today.

 

You Get Better At Handling Life’s Curveballs

 

Many of us don’t like change. It makes us anxious, afraid, and in a state of panic.

Yet, one of life’s constants is change. It’s an inevitable part of life as we know it.

 

So, we have to live with the fact that there will always be changes in our lives. One way we can accept this fact is by embracing change and seeing it as a good thing.

 

Not all change is bad. Some of it brings exciting events into our lives and gets us to meet new people that become lifelong friends.

 

Still, we’d be remiss not to mention that there will be changes that you don’t like. Life doesn’t always go your way. But, instead of freaking out, take this opportunity to learn and grow from it.

 

You Realize That Perfection Is Overrated

 

No one is, nor ever will be, perfect, not even those airbrushed models. Yet, sometimes, it’s easy to let yourself go down the path of doubting yourself. Questioning yourself and your choices is normal, but it should never go as far as to make you doubt your self-worth.

 

So, the first step is to stop comparing yourself to others. Once you learn how to do that, you can stop striving for perfection.

 

You’ll look at your life in a whole new way, and you learn how to embrace your mistakes, imperfections, and all. In fact, it’s these imperfect moments that help you grow and learn.

 

Stop Chasing Happiness, Find Fulfillment Instead

From an early age, we’re led to believe that nothing is more satisfying than finding happiness. But happiness is so elusive and intangible.

 

Plus, happiness is different for everyone, so how do you know when you find it? And is there something out there that can make you feel even better than happiness?

 

Yes! It’s called having a sense of fulfillment. Yet, what is that exactly, and how do you get it? That’s what we’re here today to find out.

 

So, keep reading to learn how you can stop chasing happiness to find fulfillment instead.

 

Happiness vs. Fulfillment

 

Take a look at this quick overview of happiness vs. fulfillment.

 

Happiness

 

Happiness includes feelings like contentment, excitement, and joy. But they’re all temporary.

 

Sure, it feels nice while it lasts, but other emotions take over, like anger, fear, and anxiety.

 

The trap many of us fall into is that we believe we’ll reach our point of happiness when we achieve certain things in our lives.

 

We say things like, “If I buy that shiny, red car, I’ll be happy.” or “Once I have my own house, I’ll finally be happy.”

 

Of course, you’ll be happy! But that happiness can only last so much. After that, reality sets in, especially when the bills start coming in.

 

Another problem with happiness is that we often view it in terms of other people. So we compare our lives to theirs, which is never a good idea.

 

No one knows what’s going on in other people's lives. So it’s not fair to compare only the good parts. It sends you on a loop of perpetual disappointment. The only person you should compare yourself to is you.

 

Fulfillment

 

When you pursue the things that really matter to you, you bring fulfillment into your life. Fulfillment is when you take actionable steps towards the things you value. Part of it is also achieving goals that were set up based on these core values.

 

Living your life with a consistent set of values allows you to have integrity towards who you truly are. It also allows you more control over your emotions and thoughts.

 

This makes it possible to bring the locus of control inward. Thus, you feel stronger and more empowered.

 

The bottom line is that happiness is dependent on external factors. Many of these factors are material and likely to change at any moment.

 

Fulfillment, on the other hand, is internally driven. You’re the one who determines what means more to you, and then by going after it, you elevate the levels of fulfillment in your life.

 

How To Find Fulfillment

 

You can find fulfillment in many ways. But you have to choose to see it in every experience and situation in your life, especially those that don’t go your way.

 

It sounds more challenging than it really is, but it’s actually relatively easy once you know what you’re doing. And it’s way more rewarding and empowering than chasing the ever-fleeting feeling of happiness.

 

Here are some ways to find fulfillment and bring meaning to your life.

 

Know Thyself

 

The great philosopher, Socrates, said, “Know Thyself” to encourage his students to look inward when searching for the meaning of life. So then, when you know your true nature, you can find fulfillment because you know your true self-worth.

 

You can do that by thinking of a moment when you felt most fulfilled. What about that specific event made you feel this way?

 

The more you know about yourself, the more fulfillment you’ll find in life. Remember, fulfillment isn’t about having a nice house or the latest fashion. It’s much deeper than that and much more nuanced.

 

It just takes a bit of soul searching.

 

Help Others

 

Helping others is one of the best ways to fill your life with fulfillment. You feel good by volunteering your time or money to help someone in need.

 

The science behind it is that helping others boosts the release of ‘feel-good’ chemicals in our brains. Some of these include hormones, such as dopamine and serotonin.

 

So, whether you’re helping a friend move or helping out at a local soup kitchen, you’re bringing joy and ease into other people’s lives. Not only that, but you’re also making yourself feel more fulfilled.

 

Create Connections

 

Surrounding yourself with a healthy, supportive social circle allows you to feel connected to something. In addition, being part of something fosters a sense of fulfillment in your life.

 

You have people you can talk to anytime you feel sad or stressed out. Consequently, you don’t suffer from any feelings of isolation, disconnection, or separation.

 

Be Grateful

 

Having a sense of gratitude can help you see the purpose in life and feel like you’re connected to a greater good. Gratitude also boosts your overall health and encourages positive emotions, which can come in handy when you’re going through a tough time.

 

It also motivates you to strive for more. Yet, when there’s a setback, you focus more on what you have and what you’ve accomplished rather than wallowing in your losses.

 

Being thankful each day can help you overcome difficult times and give you the support you need to get back up and keep trying to reach your potential.

 

Keep in mind that if you’re not okay with what you don’t have, you’ll never appreciate what you do have.

5 Advantages Of Living Intentionally

Living intentionally is the best way of attaining the things you desire and succeeding in your various fields of endeavor. It enables you to appreciate your journey to success and keeps you observant of opportunities. It improves your self-confidence by keeping you focused on your abilities, not your shortcomings.

 

Living intentionally means knowing the right steps to take. It means thinking about your moves before making them, and making time for things that are in line with your end goal. Living with intention enables you to live your life the way you see fit as opposed to how others see it.

 

Advantages Of Living Intentionally

 

1. Making smart decisions.

 

Living intentionally helps you to make smart decisions by making you more conscious of who you are and not on how other people see you. You are more capable of standing by what you believe in and you aren’t easily swayed by the opinions of others. Living intentionally helps you implement the kind of methods you strongly believe in. Methods that have the power to get you to your destination whether or not the next person believes in them. 

 

Intentional people keep their main goal in sight and never make room for distractions. That means when something comes along that isn’t in line with your values or beliefs you don’t compromise. You always think about the step you are about to take and find out how it impacts your vision before going ahead with it.

 

2. Seeing your vision clearer. 

 

Taking intentional actions and living an intentional life helps you see your vision clearer and keeps you believing in yourself. You understand that valuable things take time and appreciate the process that gets you to your destiny. Instead of complaining about the sacrifices you have to make along the way, you express your gratitude for the chance to do what’s necessary to get to where you intend to go.

 

3. Setting smart goals.

 

Everyone has goals but the reason why some people succeed in reaching them while others don’t is that those who succeed understand the importance of setting smart goals. An intentional life enables you to set smart goals because your plan of action is determined by what you want to achieve in the end. You learn to break down larger goals into smaller ones that you can work at daily. 

 

You think “What small step can I take right now that will get me a step closer to my goal today than I was yesterday?” Living intentionally helps you realize the significance of small steps that make a huge difference in the long run and keeps you moving forward.

 

4. Staying motivated.

 

We all need a bit of motivation now and then because motivation has the power to cause you to act when the odds are against you. It draws your attention to important things that have a noteworthy impact on your development, growth, and wellbeing. Motivation keeps you thinking “What can I do next?” “How best can I handle this” instead of “This has the potential to fail so, why act?” 

 

An intentional life is a life that fixes your attention on your abilities, the change you desire to bring about, as well as what you are expecting to achieve not what you are failing at. So, one of the main advantages of living intentionally is that you remain motivated to keep moving, keep trying, and keep believing. 

 

5. Taking risks.

 

“This may not turn out the way I’m expecting” “This may be too big a risk for me” are words and thoughts that stop you from taking big risks that have the potential of changing your life. Not being comfortable with taking risks is by far one of the main reasons why people never live the lives they desire. You think about all the reasons why that risk you are about to take will lead to your downfall and never go through with it. 

 

Nonetheless, the only way of advancing in life and living the life you want is by learning to take risks. Big or small. Be strong enough to take huge risks but be smart about it. Instead of allowing a promising bid, idea, or investment pass you by start thinking about all the right reasons why saying YES is going to work in your favor and go ahead with it.

 

Living with intention and being guided by intentional actions can help you recognize worthwhile risks that will impact your life positively. It eliminates your fear of taking chances on things that aren’t promising to other people and strengthens the faith you have in yourself when things work out.

 

Countless people who have managed to reach their highest aims and who continue to do so are risk-takers. So, become a risk-taker by living intentionally and discovering the link between certain risks and your goal. 

10 Habits For An Intentional Life

Habits are repeated action or an unconscious pattern of behavior. They affect all areas of our lives and determine how we make use of each day. We all know of good and bad habits and are probably struggling to let go of some bad practices. Unfortunately, there is nothing as hard as fighting against self. It is who you have been for a while and it takes time to let go of something that has become a part of you. However, if we are to live an intentional life and be successful in what we do, we will need to cultivate habits that are in sync with the life we want.

 

An intentional life is one where we carefully choose what to do and how we do it in order to achieve certain goals. It is a purposeful life. Needless to say, one needs to be principled to be able to live such a life. Below are ten habits that can help us stay principled as we seek to live an intentional life.

 

1.  Self-introspection – make it a habit to do a self-check. Sometimes we are our own stumbling blocks and we do not realize it. We behave in a self-sabotaging way. Therefore, we must learn to first look deep inside ourselves before we find anyone or anything else to blame for anything that is not going right in our lives. Look for your own weaknesses and areas that need to be improved and work on yourself. This will improve your relationships and your approaches as you work on your personal goals.

 

2.  Recite your life goals – this reminds you where each plan for the day is meant to take you. Remind yourself what you want to achieve every now and then. In other words, keep your eyes on the goal to avoid wasting time on things that do not bring value to your life.

 

3.  Say no – learn to say no to anything that is not in alignment with your goals. This includes saying no to your desires, your friends, and everyone else. Teach them to respect your routine and working time, and that your interests and goals matter too. Also, do not embrace excuses, they help you feel comfortable in your weaknesses. 

 

4.  Draw a lesson from each challenge you face – challenges happen for a reason. They could be from our own miscalculations of or from external forces. Regardless of the cause, there is always something to learn from them. These range from misunderstandings to failed businesses. Identify opportunities too where possible.

 

5.  Listen more and talk less – when you learn to listen more you learn more from others. You do not only get valuable information related to your dreams, but you also understand them better and improve relationships. Listening also gives you enough time to think before you talk or react. It also helps you understand the contents of a discussion and lessens the chances of a misunderstanding or conflict.

 

6.  Show appreciation – be grateful for your achievements and growth and learn to express genuine gratitude to others. An intentional life is nearly impossible to follow if one is ungrateful. The person tends to be driven by their desire to achieve more and they are never content. Such an attitude can drive a person to do anything including things that are out of character. Following a straight path feels like a burden. Appreciating what we have helps us stay calm and takes away focus from a single goal.

 

7.  Reward yourself for good work – we need to be easy going and not make everything about the future while forgetting to live in the present. Reward yourself when you achieve a goal or finish a task. It makes you feel good and motivates you to do more as you realize the results of committing to your goals. This further encourages you to cultivate more good habits. “When we give ourselves treats, we feel energized, cared for, and contented, which boosts our self-command — and self-command helps us maintain our healthy habits.” Gretchen Rubin.

 

8.  Do not spend more than enough time on the phone or television – social media, television, and games can be addictive. We should learn to limit the time we spend on them to avoid losing work and study time. 

 

9.  Rest when you need to – your body and mind require you to rest. Sometimes we stay up late trying to finish a task. Taking time to rest helps us refresh our minds such that when its time to return to the task our brains will function more efficiently and makes you more productive. Resting helps our muscles recover, reduces stress, gives us more energy, and improves our mood.

 

10. Control your spending habits – know how much you need to spend and on what. It is necessary to have a budget and controlling your spending habits can help you stick to it. Budgeting helps you keep in mind what is worth spending on. As we master how to control our spending habits, it becomes easier to reach our financial goals. 

Be An Intentional Person

“When I grow up I want to be a doctor. I like this job because it serves humanity in the most phenomenal way. Every day will be an opportunity for me to learn more about diseases and their cures. I see myself become so excellent at my job that people will refer each other to me for the best medical attention. Seeing my uncle parade the hospital in his white coat, stethoscope around his neck, and with a determined look on his face inspired me towards this dream. Seeing my dad recover and be discharged from the intensive care unit in a few days sealed it. I am going to study hard therefore to achieve this goal and then buy a big house in the suburbs and raise my beautiful, big, and happy family there.”

 

This is an extract from an essay I wrote at age eleven and I must say this was the style for most of my peers at that time. Some wanted to be accountants, teachers, soldiers, nurses, and so forth but the common ground for all of us was that we were made to imagine ourselves years into the future. That insight of oneself in the future was in no doubt a good thing, there is only one problem that I got to realize when I was older and that was the fact that this exercise which we repeated almost every year always only focused distant future. What if we had been asked to write about our future in the next five, two or one year? What would have been different had I been made to create an image of myself in a year or a school term? If the topic had been, “This coming month” instead of “When I grow up”?

 

The major goals of self in the next ten years are exciting, they show you that indeed you can create anything you want in this life. They revive hope for a future far ahead of the present but if they are not accompanied by smaller ones aiming at the nearer future, they are of no use. Most of those kids who said they wanted to become doctors including myself never became so. It all stayed put in our composition books. 

A few days ago, I listened with sadness as a grown woman who was soon to be evicted from a rented apartment said that she was waiting in hope for a solution concerning where she would go next. The more I tried to question her plan the greater the stress I seemed to put her under so I gave up. It was right then that it struck me how important it is to be an intentional person. I quickly realized the importance of a plan, not just a fantasy about the future in the next five or ten years but a plan that affects one’s choices and actions today.

 

Intentional people don’t collide with their destiny, they create it; block by block. They are strong-willed and determined to get the best out of life. These are the people who wait for nobody to help them, they strategically gather the help they need and use it. This is the breed of winners that train their emotions to follow their actions and not the other way round. Rarely are these people surprised by the turnout of events because every day they take calculated moves towards their clear goals. 

 

Be that person who is intentional. Become that person today who has plans for today, tomorrow, the week, and the month in an effort to reach your epitome in the next three, five, or ten years. Refuse to let life constantly take you by surprise, fight to sit on the driver seat of yours every day, and head towards your most excellent self. Have answers for the whys around your behavior and circumstances. If you are on a job you dislike, let it be because it pays your bills now as you strategize on how to get the one that resonates with your soul.

 

Permission and validation from someone else may never come, give it to yourself today. What if you started by commanding joy into your day and your life as a whole? Let me assure you that you would lose your temper less often if you did. You would be less confused, less discouraged, and less frustrated. Intentionally smile at that person who gets on your nerves and watch as your relationship evolves into something pleasant. Deliberately give to the poor even while you feel that you are also going through a rough patch in your financial life. The law of giving and receiving will not let you down.

 

In all this, set out to be fruitful and progressive. Make false starts, run out of breath, and then pause to take a break, head in the wrong direction sometimes and then bring yourself back to your lane. The adventure involved in doing all this is worth it. Just because you have structure doesn’t mean you will get it right all the time. Be willing to make the moves, all the same, if you have a clear intention of where you are going you will definitely reach there. 

 

Contributed Article

Be Intentional In The Goals You Set

Here is one thing most people love the sound and idea of but struggle to make a reality. Goals! We all know that goals do get us somewhere. Well, if followed through. Goal setting has become a popular theme for the first two months of each year. However, the energy eventually dies down as the year progresses. Then the question is, is what we normally do at the beginning of each year goal setting or just excitement and, simply writing down wishes? And yes, there is a difference between wishes and goals. A wish is a desire or hope for something to happen whereas a goal is defined as the ‘object of a person's ambition or effort; an aim or desired result’. Or, maybe it is goal setting and the only problem is that we are not being intentional about it.

 

We need to be intentional in our goal setting. Being intentional in goal setting means going beyond setting targets. Instead of starting from what we admired from other people, it starts with self-searching and establishing who we are now, and who we want to be in the future. What is its significance? We may ask. Well, here is why we need to be intentional when we set our goals.

Goals as we know them – goals are aims that are meant to connect two points of our lives; where we are in the present and where we want to be in the future. Therefore, to make sure that our path to who we want to be is clearly pronounced, our goals must be set with the intention to direct our steps towards the route that will help us reach our destination. In other words, our goals must be drawn from our purpose and not the other way round. Without being intentional in our goal setting, we would go back and forth and sideways.

Pressure from family – we have families that are doing well in life and it is a blessing to have them support us in everything we do. However, sometimes family including spouses can be so controlling to a point that we lose our individuality and as a result, we give up some of our dreams or temporarily put them aside. We need to learn to be in control of our lives. No one knows better the desires hidden deep inside our hearts than we do. Also, family may not always be there to take care of things and fix our lives for us which may force us to only learn to figure out the reality of life at later stages of our lives or when we are left with no other choice but to get up and act. To maintain our individuality, we need to be honest about who we really are and set goals that best suit our personalities. It allows us to live life to the fullest and reduces the chances of having regrets about the time lost while living in the shadow of other people. 

Pressure from social spaces – the world has become more like a global village. Everything happening all over the world and in our communities is easily accessible. We can’t lie about this, our social media has the most beautiful things we can see and the most inspiring stories in the world. The content is captivating. But we shouldn't ignore the fact that some if not all the posts we see are just captured moments and not the entire truth about life. Being intentional in the goals we set reminds us of who we are and protects us from social pressures. Setting goals based on other people’s ‘achievements’ or ideas may confuse and depress us. We may not have a connection with the goals besides that it might get us money fast or help us fit in. When you are intentional in the goals you set, you are content with your part and you are not easily enticed by other people's lifestyles, which may not even be real.

Finding the meaning of life and appreciating the journey – as mentioned previously intentional goal setting gives life a direction. Knowing what we are living for and what we are aiming at gives us determination and persistence. These help us connect to our life journey and find fulfillment in each and every achievement. Intentional goal setting allows us to experience life for what it is and face challenges head-on. There is no better teacher than that. In the end, the journey is traveled with a clear conscience. An intentional life is a sure ticket to learning to appreciate life and experience genuine happiness. 

Motivation and strength to do your daily activities – when your goals are intentional, you have a good reason to wake up and do something with your life. You know what you are working for, if it’s a relationship, you know why you are in it and don't struggle to prioritize your goals. You cannot afford to waste time or give less. When your goal setting is not intentional, it gets easy to put them on hold and focus on other things.

Commitment – when your job or relationship has a strong link with who you want to be in the future, you feel compelled to commit and give it your all. It is your future after all.