How Can I Be More Supportive To My Friends?

Sometimes it can be difficult as an adult to know how to support your friends. And honestly, there is no one way for you to support all of your friends. The support you should show to your friends will vary widely on their personality and their unique situation. Below are some of the most common ways you can show support to your loved ones. 

 

Make Time For Them

 

As humans grow and change, they tend to have less and less time for their friends. This is why, when you make time for your friends, it shows that you truly do love and support them. This doesn’t mean you have to clear your calendar, but maybe you invite friends along to certain activities or cancel that one thing you don’t need to do so you and a friend can grab a quick coffee after work. 

 

Listen

 

You’ve heard it time and time again, but listening is truly the best way to support anyone who may be in your life. Humans need to let go of their emotions through communication. And sometimes, just listening is enough to make the person who is venting feel supported in their endeavors. 

 

Push Them And Celebrate Their Achievements

 

Whatever your friend may be pursuing, if they confide in you that they need your help, now is the time for you to give them a little push! Maybe they are tired and don’t want to go to the gym. You could offer to go with them or help remind them of a goal they made. And when they get out of bed and complete the task they felt they couldn’t do, you should be celebrating this achievement with them. You may be surprised at how far a simple “good job” can go! And if they conquer a big goal, you should make an effort and offer to celebrate with them! After all, a true friend is ecstatic when their friends may big steps in life!

 

As you age, it can become increasingly difficult to know how to support your friends. But don’t fret, as long as you make time for them, listen, and then help push them towards their accomplishments, this will help them feel supported! And if they accomplish something big, you should be just as happy for them as you would be for yourself, as this will truly show your support for all of their endeavors in life. 

5 Things I Learned From Overcoming Conflict

Conflicts are a normal part of life and they tend to happen in virtually every setting. Oftentimes, we avoid conflicts because they make us tense and anxious.

 

They bring up a lot of self-doubt and discomfort, which typically results in raised voices, increased heart rate, and saying things we don’t really mean.

 

Even worse, it leads to feelings getting hurt and, sometimes, to relationships being destroyed. No wonder we hate conflicts!

 

That’s why learning how to resolve conflicts peacefully can be life-changing. In fact, the more we expose ourselves to conflicts, the better we handle any situation, which helps us become more resilient.

 

So, to help you address conflicts the right way, here are five things I learned from overcoming conflict.

 

Teaches Us to Respect Other Viewpoints

 

The reason there’s a conflict in the first person is that there are two opposing viewpoints. But most times neither side gets heard properly, which leads to an altercation, even escalating to major problems.

 

This is why negotiations are so important, even if you’re confronting a loved one. It shows that we’re willing to be flexible and more open to accept the other person’s opinions.

 

That doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. It just means you have to be willing to learn how to be prepared to accept them and move on.

 

Gives Us a Chance to Verbalize Our Needs

 

People often take for granted who we are as individuals, even those closest to us. This stems from our lack of verbalizing what it is we want or need.

 

So, we carry grudges and bottle everything inside until we can’t take it anymore. That’s when conflicts arise.

 

The best thing you can do for yourself is to look at conflicts as an opportunity. It gives you the chance to voice your opinions and share your feelings. As a result, you become less fearful of asking for what you need.

 

Improves Our Communication Skills

 

Being a good communicator requires patience and self-control. As with most things in life, the more you practice good communication skills, the better you become.

 

And the best way to practice is through confrontations, no matter how hard they may seem. Yet, you have to look beyond the fear and be willing to share our thoughts and feelings in a calm, collected way.

 

You’ll quickly realize that the right words just flow out. So, when the need arises, you can prepare for what lies ahead.

 

Makes Us Better Listeners

 

The key to overcoming conflicts is to be a better listener. Many times we're so focused on what we’re going to say next that we don’t really pay attention to what the other person is saying.

 

That’s not the way to successfully win an argument or resolve a conflict.

 

To do that, you have to learn how to do things. First, you have to control your impulse to react and blurt out things haphazardly.

 

The second thing is to learn how to actively listen when someone talks to you. It’s through listening that you can gain a better understanding of the speaker, which enables you to make smarter, wiser choices.

 

Opens Our Eyes to New Ideas

 

One of the ways conflicts can be a useful tool is by allowing you to fine-tune your opinions and ideas. As different thoughts are expressed, how you look at things changes slightly.

 

When you hear someone talking about their viewpoint with regards to a certain topic, you can’t help but clarify your own. You either start modifying your opinion, or you become even more convinced of yours.

 

A third option is to take part of your ideas and part of theirs and come up with a whole new concept!

 

That’s the beauty of conflicts. They allow you to generate new ideas and mold new perspectives.

 

Then, when you realize there are more similarities than differences, you forge a bond. This bond leads the way to establishing trust and enhancing networking. Case in point, it just makes both sides better human beings.

 

5 Signs You’re In An Abusive Relationship

 

There’s a common misconception about anyone in an abusive relationship. People think that it’s easy for the abused to know they’re in a bad situation. People assume it’s easy to move away from the abuser and start a whole new life.

 

Sadly, that’s far from the truth. Before we begin our article, there’s something important you have to remember. Abuse is all about manipulation and power.

 

Read on to find out whether or not you’re in an abusive relationship.

 

Signs You’re in an Abusive Relationship

 

Abusers are known for placing the blame on their victims. They create confusion and guilt, which they hide behind things like ‘protection’ or ‘playfulness.’

 

Does this feel like something you, or someone you love, are experiencing? If you answered yes, you have to realize this isn’t how a normal relationship should be.

Read the signs below. If you recognize any of them, it’s time to take action.

 

5. You Feel Pressured to Do Things

 

We all know the age-old love story of two people seeing each other’s eyes from a distance. Somehow, they know they’re meant for one another, and they can’t wait for their relationship to start.

 

An abusive relationship has traits very similar to that of this whirlwind romance. In the beginning, you’ll notice that an abusive partner is sweet and considerate. They’ll have plenty of nice things to say that make you feel like you’re special and truly in love.

 

You may feel that the words are nice, but they usually have a concealed urgency. This urgency is their way of gaining control over you as quickly as possible.

 

Do you feel like you’re getting pressured to start a relationship, get married, or have children? This can be a telltale sign you’re in an abusive relationship.

 

4. You’re Always in the Center of Their Impulsive Mood Swings

 

Mood swings are natural. We all have them for one reason or another.

 

What’s not normal is having to endure abrupt mood swings that come out of nowhere. Your partner may be sitting there all calm and nice. Then something triggers them off. They become insulting and furious for no reason.

 

After a few minutes, they return to their calm self. Not only that but they’re apologetic and swear to you they were only joking. These minute-to-minute changes in behavior create confusion and guilt.

 

There are two things to remember when you’re in a similar situation. One, this isn’t normal behavior. Two, this isn’t your fault in any way.

 

It’s important that you’re aware early on that this is dangerous territory. This is the time to take a step back and evaluate whether you want to continue with this person or not.

 

3. You Constantly Get Blamed for

 

Abusers accuse their victims of anything and everything that doesn’t go their way. They usually throw out accusations and blame without any thought or planning. As a victim, you get used to hearing these accusations on a regular basis. Soon, you begin believing it to be true.

 

Take note of whether this happens to you in your relationship. If you notice it happening often, you have to put an end to it.

 

Another thing you have to pay attention to is whether your partner keeps tabs on you. Do they want to know you are at every moment of the day? While it’s nice to have that kind of harmless attention, it’s a dangerous pothole to fall into.

 

2. You’re Made to Feel Isolated

 

One type of control abusers have is to keep you away from your family and friends. They give excuses like, “They’re meddlers” or “They’re trying to break us up.”

 

The whole point of doing this is that they want to make you feel isolated. They want you to feel dependent on them and only them.

 

Another way they isolate you is by gaining control of your credit cards or bank accounts. Or maybe you can’t go where you want without their permission.

 

All these force you to rely only on your partner. This gives them more and more power over you while making you feel less and less in control of your life.

 

Isolation in all its forms is dangerous and should be dealt with promptly.

 

1. You’re in a Constant State of Fear

 

Abusers will rely on intimidation tactics to frighten you. This keeps abuse victims are always in a state of dread and uneasiness. You’re scared of upsetting your partner, or that could insult you, or even humiliated in public. Then, there’s the fear of being physically assaulted.

 

Fear comes in varying degrees. It can even take a toll on your physical and mental health simply by eating away at your self-confidence.

 

It’s worth noting that even if your partner hasn’t physically abused you in any way, just being fearful is a bad sign. Fear shouldn’t be part of any healthy.

 

A Final Note

 

It’s not uncommon for abuse victims to play down the severity of the situation they’re in. Their abusive partners have drilled into their subconscious that they’re powerless and worthless. They wear down their self-esteem, until they truly believe everything is their fault.

 

If these five signs sound familiar, tell yourself that this behavior isn’t acceptable. You don’t have to put up with any of it.

 

That’s the first step. The second step is to try and salvage the relationship. Give your partner a chance to own up to their negative behavior. They could have it in them to change for the better.

 

If they fail to do so, it’s time to walk away. That may sound easier said than done, which is why reaching out to friends or professionals for support can help you make this transition more smoothly. By getting the right advice and having a reliable plan, you can feel safer about finding a way out.

 

5 Places to Find Friends as an Adult

When did everything get so hard? 

 

Somewhere along the way, we grew up. Life started getting bogged down with responsibilities and plans for the future. While much of this is exciting, what happens all too often as we start laying aside our childhood, is we unintentionally put aside our innate ability to make friends easily.

 

Don’t believe me? Think back to when a trip to the playground ended in a ‘new best friend’ after about 20 minutes of sharing the swings with a stranger. Now ask yourself, when is the last time you connected that quickly with someone new?

 

The problem is, adult friendships are crucial, not just to our mental well-being, but to our physical health as well. It’s been proven that having friends leads to less stress, less chance of heart disease, and longer life.

 

But where do we find these new friends? 

 

Try an App

 

Hey!VINA works much like a dating app, but with one very significant difference. Here the goal is to find someone with like interests you may want to befriend. A quick swipe of your finger starts a conversation, leading to a connection and eventually, friendship.

 

Try a Meetup

 

Looking for some fun group activities in your area? Meetup.com is easy to use on your computer, tablet, or phone. Here you search for events of interest to you. You’re then presented with a variety of groups who like to engage in those activities, giving yourself a chance to meet several interesting people at once.

 

Learn Something

 

Signing up for a class allows you to indulge in a new interest at the same time as meeting someone new. Always wanted to cook gourmet dinners? Been thinking about taking flying lessons? Whatever interests you, this is a surefire way to meet new people.

 

Grab a Book

 

Your local library or independent bookstore is a great place to indulge a love of reading while at the same time, getting to know someone new. Book clubs stimulate you intellectually and introduce you to people in the community who share a love for the written word.

 

Take a Walk with a Furry Friend

 

If you have a dog, why not explore more than your own backyard? By taking Fido to your local dog park, you’ll have an opportunity to meet other dog lovers, while at the same time, giving your faithful friend a chance for a little puppy socialization. This is a win all around!

 

Meeting people doesn’t have to be complicated. Opportunities truly are everywhere. So be bold and try something new. You’ll be glad you did!

 

5 Reasons Why Adult Friendships are so Important

Why is it we never put enough emphasis on the important things in life? Are we really that busy?

 

Sadly, we tell ourselves precisely that. In fact, studies have shown we’re not taking the time for friends like we used to. According to a survey taken in the 1980s, the average adult had a minimum of three friends they were close to. Thirty years later, the same study came out with some chilling news. As many as one in four people claim to have no friends at all.

 

Why is it we don’t enjoy adult friendships? Could it be we’ve somehow gotten the idea they’re really not necessary? This is absolutely not the case. In fact, below, you will find five reasons why adult friends are crucial to your life and your good health. 

 

Friends Give Necessary Support

 

We’re not meant to go it alone. We need friends to act as everything from cheerleaders to a shoulder to cry on. 

 

Friends Teach Us How to Act

 

How do we conduct ourselves? If you’re socially awkward, it might be because no one taught you specific social skills critical to success. Friends are where we learn those skills. It’s with friends that we practice, finding out both what’s acceptable and what’s not. What’s more, friends help us get out of the ruts we fall into and challenge us to try social situations we might not otherwise consider.

 

Friends Give Us a Reality Check

 

Who else but a friend is going to tell you when you’re lying to yourself or wandering down the wrong path entirely? This kind of tough love is what keeps us from disaster and guides us away from the pitfalls of life.

 

Couple Friendships Guide Our Own Relationships

 

Not everyone was blessed with parents who modeled good relationship skills. Having “couple friends” is where we form our impressions of how couples in romantic relationships interact. It’s from these relationships we learn how to balance things like work and romance and how to handle the parenting component. Being able to talk to other couples about challenges unique to this kind of relationship also gives a much-needed place to learn.

 

Friendships are Good for Your Health

 

Studies have shown people who sustain healthy friendships live longer and enjoy a better quality of life. People who regularly spend time with friends are shown to adopt healthier lifestyles, experience fewer physical ailments such as heart disease, and have fewer issues with dementia as they age.

 

In short, adult friendships are an important part of your life and worth exploring. Now is not the time to hold back. Get out there, meet people, and discover all that life has to offer. Making time for friendships should be a priority for all adults.

 

6 Tips for Making Friends as an Adult

Who are your friends?

 

A recent survey has determined you might not have a lot of close relationships in your life. In fact, the number of people who claim to have more than three solid friendships in their lives is only 37% or one-third of the population. Even more discouraging is the idea that fully 27% of adults say they have no close relationships at all.

 

Making friends as an adult is a daunting idea. For one thing, we’re swamped. We get caught up on our personal responsibilities and business goals that frequently we don’t make time for a social life outside of loose connections with our children’s friends’ parents and professional networking. Who has the time?

 

Thankfully, you do. It actually takes less time than you think to discover the joy of adult friendships. You can start with these simple tips:

 

Start with the Old

 

Why reinvent the wheel? Instead, ask yourself who your friends used to be. Is it possible you can rekindle some old friendships? In this era of social media, tracking down your best friend from high school is easier than ever. Why not shoot someone a quick message or text to open up the conversation all over again?

 

Become a Listener

 

When in groups of new people, rather than working hard to be the life of the party, why not take a step back? Making a point to actively listen to people makes you more attractive to those around you (everyone loves a listener) and puts you in the position of discovering the things which intrigue you most about the others. It’s a simple way to learn about shared interests, so you can strike up a friendship.

 

Take it to the Next Level

 

Have acquaintances but aren’t quite ready to call them friends yet? Try opening up a little. Being vulnerable forges intimacy with others and deepens the friendship, taking it to the next level. 

 

Stay in Touch

 

Worried about how to hang onto the friends you have? If you want to keep people from falling off the radar and becoming distant, make a point to check in with them once in a while. Send a text, make a call, set up a chance to get together. By checking in, you’re telling the other person they’re important to you and worth your time. A general rule of thumb? Connect about every two weeks.

 

Make a Group

 

Even better? Start putting your friends together in one place by creating a group of friends. There’s nothing more fun than hanging out in a gathering of people who enjoy each other’s company. Start simple, with a lunch date or drinks after work.

5 Tips for Having Difficult Conversations with your Partner

You love your partner, but sooner or later, a tough conversation needs to happen. While this is normal, (after all, what relationship doesn’t have its bumps along the way) how you handle those conversations will determine whether you come away from this particular conflict with a stronger appreciation for each other. This is why it’s so important to handle difficult conversations well. 

 

How do you ensure you engage in the best conversation possible in these circumstances?

 

Start with Not Putting Off the Talk Longer than Necessary

 

Take time to count to ten or to take a few deep breaths before beginning. After all, starting with too much emotion will be more damaging than helpful. Once you’re cooled down though, it’s time to talk. Why is it better sooner rather than later? By putting things off, you tend to build up resentment and inflate the conflict. It’s important to address situations before they get out of hand. A small problem today is much easier to solve than a giant one several weeks from now.

 

Drop the Good News / Bad News Approach

 

No one likes waiting for the other shoe to drop, so instead of giving the compliment with a ‘but’ lurking to negate everything you’ve just said, just come out and say the bad news first. If you’re determined to add in the compliment, do so after the bad stuff is out of the way, so you leave the person on a more positive note.

 

Plan Your Conversation

 

Rather than blindside your partner with an uncomfortable discussion, let them know you have something you want to talk about. Make it clear you’re wanting to discuss something that affects your feelings, rather than starting out in an attack. There’s a vast difference between, “I’d like to talk to you sometime about your drinking” vs. “I’d like to talk to you about how I feel when I see you drinking so heavily.” 

 

What Are Your Goals?

 

In any heavy conversation, you need to agree at some point on common goals. Working toward the same thing will help you find your way through the conversation to that eventual place.

 

Keep a Positive Spirit

 

Aim for optimism. Even if the conversation isn’t going how you would like it to, finding something to hope for will soften the outcome no matter what. 

 

Difficult conversations are just that: Difficult. But having a plan in place will help you to get through them. Use these steps to build the framework of your conversation, and even if the outcome is bad, getting there won’t be as difficult as you think. 

 

Top Tips for Resolving Conflicts in Your Relationships

No matter how much you like the other person, at some point, conflict is likely to happen. While most conflicts are fairly small (like trying to decide where to go out for dinner), left untended a conflict can fester and grow. That’s why it’s so important to resolve conflicts in your relationships before they have a chance to take on a life of their own.

 

How do you go about doing that?

 

1. Start by listening. But don’t just listen to the spoken words, but the feelings behind them. It’s the emotions that drive the conversation after all! By listening actively, meaning pausing to ask questions, clarify, and to reiterate what you think the other person is saying, you tell the other person that what they have to say matters. But more importantly, you’re letting them know that they’re being heard.

 

2. Look for the resolution over being right. Giving up the notion that you have to ‘win’ is where you start seeing the solutions. Conflict is not a competition.

 

3. Stay in the moment. Instead of focusing on what happened that brought you into this conflict, pay attention to what’s going on right now. Now isn’t the time for blame. Rather look for solutions.

 

4. Decide what’s important right now. That is called ‘picking your battles’ and is important in determining whether a thing is worth fighting over. Ask yourself if this is just an issue over a minor annoyance that will be easily forgotten, or if you have something deeper going on that maybe needs to be addressed.

 

5. Know how and when to disengage. That means being able to do what it takes to walk away. It might be forgiveness is in order. It might be that you’re just going to need to agree to disagree. Worst case scenario? It might be time just to let the matter go entirely. Whatever the case, there’s nothing to be gained by staying in the conflict. 

 

Resolving conflicts isn’t a hard skill to learn. By following these tips, you will discover how better to deal with conflict in every kind of relationship – whether business or personal. So, take heart – a misunderstanding doesn’t have to mean the end of the world. Instead look at your conflict as a step toward better understanding that will, in turn, lead to better relationships in the long run.

 

5 Tips for Better, Healthier Boundaries

We all have boundaries. Maybe you don’t feel like you do, because of many times past when people have overrun you. Somewhere around the umpteenth time of being taken advantage of, of being ignored about your own needs, and treated as though your time is not valuable, you start to believe that you’ve lost whatever boundaries you had.

 

The good news is, you can re-create your boundaries, and make them stronger and healthier than ever before. How? Read on for a quick list of five tips to jumpstart your life and put it on track for a happier you.

 

1. Permit yourself to start over. While this step seems obvious, there are quite a few reasons for it. First, by telling yourself it’s ok to set boundaries, you’re declaring that you’re important enough even to have them. But also, in acknowledging that it’s ok to start over, you’re not getting hung up on the past. That is you, taking control. Embrace it!

 

2. Pay attention. Here’s where you start getting into the details of who you are and who you want to be. How have people taken advantage of you in the past? Where have you wished there were boundaries? What do you need to do to establish them now? Be mindful of your feelings. Look for the disappointment and anger. What has set those off? Chances are those are places where the boundaries need the most work. You’ll find that self-awareness is key to your success so don’t be afraid to dig into your emotions.

 

3. Where have you been? And where are you now? Chances are a lot of what you feel about boundaries came from your wiring as a child. If no one respected your space growing up, it’s hard to ask people to respect it now. Examine the boundaries of your childhood and compare them to the boundaries of today. What’s lacking? What needs work? It might be that some of the things you find make boundary setting particularly difficult in some situations. Don’t be afraid to ask for help either with a counselor or therapist to work through some of that old baggage.

 

4. Take care of yourself. When you’re not feeling well, it’s nearly impossible to be firm in your boundaries. Being strong and healthy gives you the energy needed to put your foot down when you need to. With that in mind, taking care of yourself not only makes sense, but it is also necessary for future success. Remember the basics: Eat healthy, exercise, and get enough sleep every night.

 

5. Speak up. There’s going to be pushback when you set boundaries. Having healthy boundaries means that you put the work in to maintain them. That means saying ‘no’ when you need to. By being assertive you not only protect those boundaries, but you also tell the world that you have something to say. Need help? Enlist a support team who can cheer you on when you’re flagging – and who aren’t afraid to point out when you’re starting to slip. Sometimes we all need some tough love, especially when we’re pushing for better, healthier boundaries.

 

By following these steps, you’re not only drawing a line in the sand; you’re taking control of your life. Healthy boundaries are meant to protect you so that you have room to grow and become the person you always knew you could be. But first, you have to begin. So, why are you waiting? Aren’t you ready for that new improved you?

 

Healing Heart Moving Forward 4 (Infographic)

Healing Heart Moving Forward 3 (Infographic)

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Healing Heart Moving Forward 1 (Infographic)

5 Tips for Having Difficult Conversations with your Partner

You love your partner, but sooner or later, a tough conversation needs to happen. While this is normal, (after all, what relationship doesn’t have its bumps along the way) how you handle those conversations will determine whether you come away from this particular conflict with a stronger appreciation for each other. This is why it’s so important to handle difficult conversations well. 

 

How do you ensure you engage in the best conversation possible in these circumstances?

 

Start with Not Putting Off the Talk Longer than Necessary

 

Take time to count to ten or to take a few deep breaths before beginning. After all, starting with too much emotion will be more damaging than helpful. Once you’re cooled down though, it’s time to talk. Why is it better sooner rather than later? By putting things off, you tend to build up resentment and inflate the conflict. It’s important to address situations before they get out of hand. A small problem today is much easier to solve than a giant one several weeks from now.

 

Drop the Good News / Bad News Approach

 

No one likes waiting for the other shoe to drop, so instead of giving the compliment with a ‘but’ lurking to negate everything you’ve just said, just come out and say the bad news first. If you’re determined to add in the compliment, do so after the bad stuff is out of the way, so you leave the person on a more positive note.

 

Plan Your Conversation

 

Rather than blindside your partner with an uncomfortable discussion, let them know you have something you want to talk about. Make it clear you’re wanting to discuss something that affects your feelings, rather than starting out in an attack. There’s a vast difference between, “I’d like to talk to you sometime about your drinking” vs. “I’d like to talk to you about how I feel when I see you drinking so heavily.” 

 

What Are Your Goals?

 

In any heavy conversation, you need to agree at some point on common goals. Working toward the same thing will help you find your way through the conversation to that eventual place.

 

Keep a Positive Spirit

 

Aim for optimism. Even if the conversation isn’t going how you would like it to, finding something to hope for will soften the outcome no matter what. 

 

Difficult conversations are just that: Difficult. But having a plan in place will help you to get through them. Use these steps to build the framework of your conversation, and even if the outcome is bad, getting there won’t be as difficult as you think. 

 

Your Relationships May Suck Because You Lack This Powerful Personal Trait

Do you have a tough time in your relationships? Does it seem like regardless of how awesome things start out, they eventually end up in the same place?

 

Now, please understand that I'm not talking about your romantic relationship breaking up. It's not that bad. Your relationship is still intact. But it's not as full or as rich as you would've hoped. You have to understand that real relationships are mutually rewarding.

 

In other words, they challenge you to become a better person. You're not really looking to benefit the other person, per se. You're looking to become a better person because of the relationship. It helps you mature. It helps you commit. It helps you dedicate your life, your emotions and your resources to something bigger and better than you.

 

A lot of people don't understand this about relationships. But the ultimate truth about this type of interpersonal arrangement is the fact that you have to lie to yourself for the relationship to flourish. In other words, the relationship is not about you. 

 

It's not about what you want. It's not about what you need. It's not about what makes you happy. It's not about the things that put a smile of your face. It's not about you. Instead, it's about your ability to commit to something bigger than you over a long period of time.

 

This commitment is easy to understand when things are going well. When you love your partner and she loves you back, it's very easy to see why people stay in the relationship. It is mutually rewarding. 

 

But what if the love doesn't come back? What if, try as hard as you might, there's no mutuality there? Does that mean that the relationship has to go 6 feet under? Does that mean that you have to head for the door and call it quits?

 

Well, this is the choice you have. And unfortunately, if you don't have the powerful personal trait of self-discipline, it's very easy for your relationships to die at some level or other. As I've said early on in this blog post, even if your relationship is still intact, it may still suck. 

 

Why? It's not very fulfilling. In fact, if you're completely honest about it, the relationship has, for lack of a better word, died a long time ago. You're just going through the motions.

 

Maybe you're afraid of having to go through the long process of meeting somebody new. Maybe you don't like rejection. Maybe there's just so many things out there that you're afraid of because you don't know what could go wrong so you stay in the relationship.

 

But for all intents and purposes, it's dead. Your relationship sucks. Why? You lack self-discipline. If you want your relationship to flourish, be self-disciplined. It's that simple! 

 

This means you have to pay attention to the needs of the other person. This means that you have to put the relationship ahead of your needs. This means that you have to give everything that you have, regardless of how you feel, regardless of what other people are saying, so the relationship can flourish.

 

It's all about sacrifice. In other words, it's all about becoming an emotional adult. The problem is the more you think you're entitled to the relationship serving you or giving you something that you don't have, that's going to be a problem.

 

The longer you think that the other person has to somehow, someway, complete you instead of you maturing and stepping up, that's going to be a problem. The solution to this is self-discipline.

 

It takes self-discipline to put somebody else's needs first. It takes self-discipline to continue being patient with somebody as they get their emotional and mental act together. Make no mistake about it. In any relationship, there's either an adult, a child or 2 children or 2 adults. You know what the right answer is.

 

You have to both be adults and this requires discipline. If you need more self-discipline in your life, the other articles in this blog will show you how.