5 Reasons Why Adult Friendships are so Important

Why is it we never put enough emphasis on the important things in life? Are we really that busy?

 

Sadly, we tell ourselves precisely that. In fact, studies have shown we’re not taking the time for friends like we used to. According to a survey taken in the 1980s, the average adult had a minimum of three friends they were close to. Thirty years later, the same study came out with some chilling news. As many as one in four people claim to have no friends at all.

 

Why is it we don’t enjoy adult friendships? Could it be we’ve somehow gotten the idea they’re really not necessary? This is absolutely not the case. In fact, below, you will find five reasons why adult friends are crucial to your life and your good health. 

 

Friends Give Necessary Support

 

We’re not meant to go it alone. We need friends to act as everything from cheerleaders to a shoulder to cry on. 

 

Friends Teach Us How to Act

 

How do we conduct ourselves? If you’re socially awkward, it might be because no one taught you specific social skills critical to success. Friends are where we learn those skills. It’s with friends that we practice, finding out both what’s acceptable and what’s not. What’s more, friends help us get out of the ruts we fall into and challenge us to try social situations we might not otherwise consider.

 

Friends Give Us a Reality Check

 

Who else but a friend is going to tell you when you’re lying to yourself or wandering down the wrong path entirely? This kind of tough love is what keeps us from disaster and guides us away from the pitfalls of life.

 

Couple Friendships Guide Our Own Relationships

 

Not everyone was blessed with parents who modeled good relationship skills. Having “couple friends” is where we form our impressions of how couples in romantic relationships interact. It’s from these relationships we learn how to balance things like work and romance and how to handle the parenting component. Being able to talk to other couples about challenges unique to this kind of relationship also gives a much-needed place to learn.

 

Friendships are Good for Your Health

 

Studies have shown people who sustain healthy friendships live longer and enjoy a better quality of life. People who regularly spend time with friends are shown to adopt healthier lifestyles, experience fewer physical ailments such as heart disease, and have fewer issues with dementia as they age.

 

In short, adult friendships are an important part of your life and worth exploring. Now is not the time to hold back. Get out there, meet people, and discover all that life has to offer. Making time for friendships should be a priority for all adults.

 

6 Tips for Making Friends as an Adult

Who are your friends?

 

A recent survey has determined you might not have a lot of close relationships in your life. In fact, the number of people who claim to have more than three solid friendships in their lives is only 37% or one-third of the population. Even more discouraging is the idea that fully 27% of adults say they have no close relationships at all.

 

Making friends as an adult is a daunting idea. For one thing, we’re swamped. We get caught up on our personal responsibilities and business goals that frequently we don’t make time for a social life outside of loose connections with our children’s friends’ parents and professional networking. Who has the time?

 

Thankfully, you do. It actually takes less time than you think to discover the joy of adult friendships. You can start with these simple tips:

 

Start with the Old

 

Why reinvent the wheel? Instead, ask yourself who your friends used to be. Is it possible you can rekindle some old friendships? In this era of social media, tracking down your best friend from high school is easier than ever. Why not shoot someone a quick message or text to open up the conversation all over again?

 

Become a Listener

 

When in groups of new people, rather than working hard to be the life of the party, why not take a step back? Making a point to actively listen to people makes you more attractive to those around you (everyone loves a listener) and puts you in the position of discovering the things which intrigue you most about the others. It’s a simple way to learn about shared interests, so you can strike up a friendship.

 

Take it to the Next Level

 

Have acquaintances but aren’t quite ready to call them friends yet? Try opening up a little. Being vulnerable forges intimacy with others and deepens the friendship, taking it to the next level. 

 

Stay in Touch

 

Worried about how to hang onto the friends you have? If you want to keep people from falling off the radar and becoming distant, make a point to check in with them once in a while. Send a text, make a call, set up a chance to get together. By checking in, you’re telling the other person they’re important to you and worth your time. A general rule of thumb? Connect about every two weeks.

 

Make a Group

 

Even better? Start putting your friends together in one place by creating a group of friends. There’s nothing more fun than hanging out in a gathering of people who enjoy each other’s company. Start simple, with a lunch date or drinks after work.

5 Tips for Having Difficult Conversations with your Partner

You love your partner, but sooner or later, a tough conversation needs to happen. While this is normal, (after all, what relationship doesn’t have its bumps along the way) how you handle those conversations will determine whether you come away from this particular conflict with a stronger appreciation for each other. This is why it’s so important to handle difficult conversations well. 

 

How do you ensure you engage in the best conversation possible in these circumstances?

 

Start with Not Putting Off the Talk Longer than Necessary

 

Take time to count to ten or to take a few deep breaths before beginning. After all, starting with too much emotion will be more damaging than helpful. Once you’re cooled down though, it’s time to talk. Why is it better sooner rather than later? By putting things off, you tend to build up resentment and inflate the conflict. It’s important to address situations before they get out of hand. A small problem today is much easier to solve than a giant one several weeks from now.

 

Drop the Good News / Bad News Approach

 

No one likes waiting for the other shoe to drop, so instead of giving the compliment with a ‘but’ lurking to negate everything you’ve just said, just come out and say the bad news first. If you’re determined to add in the compliment, do so after the bad stuff is out of the way, so you leave the person on a more positive note.

 

Plan Your Conversation

 

Rather than blindside your partner with an uncomfortable discussion, let them know you have something you want to talk about. Make it clear you’re wanting to discuss something that affects your feelings, rather than starting out in an attack. There’s a vast difference between, “I’d like to talk to you sometime about your drinking” vs. “I’d like to talk to you about how I feel when I see you drinking so heavily.” 

 

What Are Your Goals?

 

In any heavy conversation, you need to agree at some point on common goals. Working toward the same thing will help you find your way through the conversation to that eventual place.

 

Keep a Positive Spirit

 

Aim for optimism. Even if the conversation isn’t going how you would like it to, finding something to hope for will soften the outcome no matter what. 

 

Difficult conversations are just that: Difficult. But having a plan in place will help you to get through them. Use these steps to build the framework of your conversation, and even if the outcome is bad, getting there won’t be as difficult as you think. 

 

Top Tips for Resolving Conflicts in Your Relationships

No matter how much you like the other person, at some point, conflict is likely to happen. While most conflicts are fairly small (like trying to decide where to go out for dinner), left untended a conflict can fester and grow. That’s why it’s so important to resolve conflicts in your relationships before they have a chance to take on a life of their own.

 

How do you go about doing that?

 

1. Start by listening. But don’t just listen to the spoken words, but the feelings behind them. It’s the emotions that drive the conversation after all! By listening actively, meaning pausing to ask questions, clarify, and to reiterate what you think the other person is saying, you tell the other person that what they have to say matters. But more importantly, you’re letting them know that they’re being heard.

 

2. Look for the resolution over being right. Giving up the notion that you have to ‘win’ is where you start seeing the solutions. Conflict is not a competition.

 

3. Stay in the moment. Instead of focusing on what happened that brought you into this conflict, pay attention to what’s going on right now. Now isn’t the time for blame. Rather look for solutions.

 

4. Decide what’s important right now. That is called ‘picking your battles’ and is important in determining whether a thing is worth fighting over. Ask yourself if this is just an issue over a minor annoyance that will be easily forgotten, or if you have something deeper going on that maybe needs to be addressed.

 

5. Know how and when to disengage. That means being able to do what it takes to walk away. It might be forgiveness is in order. It might be that you’re just going to need to agree to disagree. Worst case scenario? It might be time just to let the matter go entirely. Whatever the case, there’s nothing to be gained by staying in the conflict. 

 

Resolving conflicts isn’t a hard skill to learn. By following these tips, you will discover how better to deal with conflict in every kind of relationship – whether business or personal. So, take heart – a misunderstanding doesn’t have to mean the end of the world. Instead look at your conflict as a step toward better understanding that will, in turn, lead to better relationships in the long run.

 

5 Tips for Better, Healthier Boundaries

We all have boundaries. Maybe you don’t feel like you do, because of many times past when people have overrun you. Somewhere around the umpteenth time of being taken advantage of, of being ignored about your own needs, and treated as though your time is not valuable, you start to believe that you’ve lost whatever boundaries you had.

 

The good news is, you can re-create your boundaries, and make them stronger and healthier than ever before. How? Read on for a quick list of five tips to jumpstart your life and put it on track for a happier you.

 

1. Permit yourself to start over. While this step seems obvious, there are quite a few reasons for it. First, by telling yourself it’s ok to set boundaries, you’re declaring that you’re important enough even to have them. But also, in acknowledging that it’s ok to start over, you’re not getting hung up on the past. That is you, taking control. Embrace it!

 

2. Pay attention. Here’s where you start getting into the details of who you are and who you want to be. How have people taken advantage of you in the past? Where have you wished there were boundaries? What do you need to do to establish them now? Be mindful of your feelings. Look for the disappointment and anger. What has set those off? Chances are those are places where the boundaries need the most work. You’ll find that self-awareness is key to your success so don’t be afraid to dig into your emotions.

 

3. Where have you been? And where are you now? Chances are a lot of what you feel about boundaries came from your wiring as a child. If no one respected your space growing up, it’s hard to ask people to respect it now. Examine the boundaries of your childhood and compare them to the boundaries of today. What’s lacking? What needs work? It might be that some of the things you find make boundary setting particularly difficult in some situations. Don’t be afraid to ask for help either with a counselor or therapist to work through some of that old baggage.

 

4. Take care of yourself. When you’re not feeling well, it’s nearly impossible to be firm in your boundaries. Being strong and healthy gives you the energy needed to put your foot down when you need to. With that in mind, taking care of yourself not only makes sense, but it is also necessary for future success. Remember the basics: Eat healthy, exercise, and get enough sleep every night.

 

5. Speak up. There’s going to be pushback when you set boundaries. Having healthy boundaries means that you put the work in to maintain them. That means saying ‘no’ when you need to. By being assertive you not only protect those boundaries, but you also tell the world that you have something to say. Need help? Enlist a support team who can cheer you on when you’re flagging – and who aren’t afraid to point out when you’re starting to slip. Sometimes we all need some tough love, especially when we’re pushing for better, healthier boundaries.

 

By following these steps, you’re not only drawing a line in the sand; you’re taking control of your life. Healthy boundaries are meant to protect you so that you have room to grow and become the person you always knew you could be. But first, you have to begin. So, why are you waiting? Aren’t you ready for that new improved you?

 

How to Win Friends and Influence People

You may recognize the title of this article. It is that of a book written by the late Dale Carnegie. The advice in the book remains timeless.

 

In no way is this meant to steal from the original book. This was written as a kind of review of the book and as a reminder that this book can truly serve as a life guide on how to be influential. The book spells out some common-sense techniques, yet many people fail to implement them, even after they have read the book. This is why Dale Carnegie himself, suggested using the book as a reference after the first read. It’s important to reinforce the techniques described from time-to-time.

 

If you haven’t read the book (and you should), Carnegie describes techniques that make people want to be with you. One is the simple technique of using somebody’s name. This requires that you remember the name when a person is first introduced to you. But once you know the name, be sure to use it whenever you come in contact with that person. People value their names more than you could possibly imagine. The next time someone says your name when speaking to you, pay attention to how that makes you feel. It is likely to make you feel a connection with that person on a level that you probably took for granted in the past.

 

Another technique that Carnegie describes is to pay attention to other peoples’ likes and wants. If you know somebody that is into elephants, for example, when you come across items related to elephants, make that person aware of it. Carnegie goes into much greater depth about this, but you get the general idea. Take a genuine interest in others and you will find them drawing towards you more and more.

 

The techniques described in the book really are common sense, but they work. There are several other techniques that are described which can really give you those influencing abilities you want to acquire. What’s great about his techniques is they are not difficult to incorporate into your life and yet they have a tremendous impact in how you are looked upon by others. It is almost magical at how well it works.

 

It should be noted that Carnegie wrote the book to help salespeople sell better. The book was actually a by-product of a course he developed with the same motivation. You do not need to be a salesperson to take advantage of the techniques contained in this book.

 

Useful Resources for Becoming Influential

There are several resources that can help you become influential. Use them as a guide to learn and as resources to keep your influence intact.

 

Google.com

 

Although obvious, you should always start your search using this ubiquitous search engine. One trick that many overlook is to search beyond the first page of the results. You can often find some gems as these webmasters are trying to fight their way to the top of the search engine results. These gems are often resources that are less about selling and more about offering great value.

 

Book: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

 

This book needs to be singled out as it is essentially the bible on the subject. This belongs in everyone’s library and needs to be read multiple times to reinforce the lessons. It is available as a Kindle book and if you are a member of Kindle Unlimited, you can get a version of it as part of that subscription. There are even several summarized versions of the book for those that don’t want to take the time to read the entire book. The book is really easy to read, though.

 

Udemy.com

 

Udemy has several courses related to influence, charisma, etc. Some of them may seem expensive but Udemy runs sales on its courses often. You can also search online for “Udemy Coupon Codes” as instructors like to use these to lure learners to their courses.

 

Amazon.com

 

Amazon has several books on how to influence. What’s great about Amazon is you can usually tell which books are good by reading the reviews and choosing the higher rated ones. Another great way to use Amazon is to scan through the table of contents of the bestselling books in that category and then searching on those topics to see what you can find.

 

YouTube.com

 

It’s amazing how many people overlook YouTube when they are trying to learn something. YouTube has videos on just about any subject. You will have to do some digging and weed through the videos that disguise themselves as courses but are really just sales pitches for a product. But there are definitely some great videos that can help when learning how to become influential. Another advantage is YouTube is free for most videos. One tip when evaluating videos: read through the comments and stay away from videos that have high thumbs down rankings.

Should Every Conflict Be Resolved?

Did you know that there are people that specialize in resolving conflicts? Well, there are, that is just how common conflict issues arise today. But do you also know that not every conflict needs a resolution? Probably not and let's look at that issue today. 

 

Professional conflict coaches have one vital piece of information that they share with their clients. That is to simply learn that you don't always have to be right. 

Think about this for a minute. How many times have you found yourself arguing with someone and refusing to give up, because you want to be seen as the winner? 

 

There is an inbred need inside of people to what to be right or seen as the victor. This is the main reason why so many conflicts are never resolved, instead they boil and cause resentment and anger between family and friends for years. 

 

If you can learn that one simple thing, to give up needing to be right, you will find that you are not involved in as many conflicts. What is so wrong with letting someone else be right for a change? If it makes them happy and ends the conflict, you should be happy too. 

 

Of course, you may encounter a situation that is important and you definitely need to be right. This could be conflicts that deal with your children and their safety for example. 

 

Then there are those conflicts that end up being more silly and less meaningful because they drag on so long. The people involved don't even remember the true cause of the conflict in the first place. All they are left with is that feeling of 'I just have to be right!'

 

The conflicts that don't always need resolving are the ones where you want people to do as you wish. All you are looking for is someone to do as you say. This is very difficult to force onto someone and creates nothing but an angry air of conflict. These are the ones that you should learn to recognize and be strong enough to quit on. 

 

If you are attempting to resolve a conflict and there is just no end in sight, decide if the process is worth working on or not. It might be best to give up and walk away. You are not showing signs of weakness. Instead, you are displaying signs that you are mature enough to recognize that a resolution is not going to happen and walking away is the smartest thing to do. 

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5 Tips for Having Difficult Conversations with your Partner

You love your partner, but sooner or later, a tough conversation needs to happen. While this is normal, (after all, what relationship doesn’t have its bumps along the way) how you handle those conversations will determine whether you come away from this particular conflict with a stronger appreciation for each other. This is why it’s so important to handle difficult conversations well. 

 

How do you ensure you engage in the best conversation possible in these circumstances?

 

Start with Not Putting Off the Talk Longer than Necessary

 

Take time to count to ten or to take a few deep breaths before beginning. After all, starting with too much emotion will be more damaging than helpful. Once you’re cooled down though, it’s time to talk. Why is it better sooner rather than later? By putting things off, you tend to build up resentment and inflate the conflict. It’s important to address situations before they get out of hand. A small problem today is much easier to solve than a giant one several weeks from now.

 

Drop the Good News / Bad News Approach

 

No one likes waiting for the other shoe to drop, so instead of giving the compliment with a ‘but’ lurking to negate everything you’ve just said, just come out and say the bad news first. If you’re determined to add in the compliment, do so after the bad stuff is out of the way, so you leave the person on a more positive note.

 

Plan Your Conversation

 

Rather than blindside your partner with an uncomfortable discussion, let them know you have something you want to talk about. Make it clear you’re wanting to discuss something that affects your feelings, rather than starting out in an attack. There’s a vast difference between, “I’d like to talk to you sometime about your drinking” vs. “I’d like to talk to you about how I feel when I see you drinking so heavily.” 

 

What Are Your Goals?

 

In any heavy conversation, you need to agree at some point on common goals. Working toward the same thing will help you find your way through the conversation to that eventual place.

 

Keep a Positive Spirit

 

Aim for optimism. Even if the conversation isn’t going how you would like it to, finding something to hope for will soften the outcome no matter what. 

 

Difficult conversations are just that: Difficult. But having a plan in place will help you to get through them. Use these steps to build the framework of your conversation, and even if the outcome is bad, getting there won’t be as difficult as you think. 

 

Solve Your Life’s Problems Calmly

Time and again, we come across several issues regarding health, family, relationships, job etc. Sometimes we find a provisional solution to such problems and feel contend that they have vanished forever. Why is meditative thinking and chanting considered a practical and passive therapy to resolve life’s major concerns? It is so, because; contemplative thinking reroutes our minds from the negative to positive. The feelings of resentment, apprehension, rebel and envy paralyse our efforts to solve issues between friends, companions, colleagues and even our own conscience. Focusing through meditation is highly productive and enlightening which is why it is believed that life’s biggest troubles are sorted submissively.

 

If your child is experiencing problems with studies, don’t try to force him to learn how to focus on his assignment. Instead, be cool, calm and collected in helping him build his concentration power. Teach them tolerantly, how to focus on schoolwork and put aside the ‘daydreaming’ for the future! You also need to create an atmosphere at home so that your child does his homework with attentiveness. The setting should have educational wall charts, comfortable desks, less traffic and clatter. TV is a big distraction for kids and you have to ensure that your kid will fail to focus when TV is viewed at the background.

 

It is a must that you develop patience to deal with life’s problems. When we experience repeated failure, we give up saying’ ‘maybe this was not my destiny’. Truthfully speaking, it is a cover up on our lack of patience as we give up too quickly without focusing on how to be tolerant. Being satisfied with second-rate results is not the answer to long-standing success. Our thoughts and actions have to be well planned out and precise with appropriate progress of the focal point. With firmness in your thoughts, you can acquire stupendous success even after a series of failures.

 

Your Relationships May Suck Because You Lack This Powerful Personal Trait

Do you have a tough time in your relationships? Does it seem like regardless of how awesome things start out, they eventually end up in the same place?

 

Now, please understand that I'm not talking about your romantic relationship breaking up. It's not that bad. Your relationship is still intact. But it's not as full or as rich as you would've hoped. You have to understand that real relationships are mutually rewarding.

 

In other words, they challenge you to become a better person. You're not really looking to benefit the other person, per se. You're looking to become a better person because of the relationship. It helps you mature. It helps you commit. It helps you dedicate your life, your emotions and your resources to something bigger and better than you.

 

A lot of people don't understand this about relationships. But the ultimate truth about this type of interpersonal arrangement is the fact that you have to lie to yourself for the relationship to flourish. In other words, the relationship is not about you. 

 

It's not about what you want. It's not about what you need. It's not about what makes you happy. It's not about the things that put a smile of your face. It's not about you. Instead, it's about your ability to commit to something bigger than you over a long period of time.

 

This commitment is easy to understand when things are going well. When you love your partner and she loves you back, it's very easy to see why people stay in the relationship. It is mutually rewarding. 

 

But what if the love doesn't come back? What if, try as hard as you might, there's no mutuality there? Does that mean that the relationship has to go 6 feet under? Does that mean that you have to head for the door and call it quits?

 

Well, this is the choice you have. And unfortunately, if you don't have the powerful personal trait of self-discipline, it's very easy for your relationships to die at some level or other. As I've said early on in this blog post, even if your relationship is still intact, it may still suck. 

 

Why? It's not very fulfilling. In fact, if you're completely honest about it, the relationship has, for lack of a better word, died a long time ago. You're just going through the motions.

 

Maybe you're afraid of having to go through the long process of meeting somebody new. Maybe you don't like rejection. Maybe there's just so many things out there that you're afraid of because you don't know what could go wrong so you stay in the relationship.

 

But for all intents and purposes, it's dead. Your relationship sucks. Why? You lack self-discipline. If you want your relationship to flourish, be self-disciplined. It's that simple! 

 

This means you have to pay attention to the needs of the other person. This means that you have to put the relationship ahead of your needs. This means that you have to give everything that you have, regardless of how you feel, regardless of what other people are saying, so the relationship can flourish.

 

It's all about sacrifice. In other words, it's all about becoming an emotional adult. The problem is the more you think you're entitled to the relationship serving you or giving you something that you don't have, that's going to be a problem.

 

The longer you think that the other person has to somehow, someway, complete you instead of you maturing and stepping up, that's going to be a problem. The solution to this is self-discipline.

 

It takes self-discipline to put somebody else's needs first. It takes self-discipline to continue being patient with somebody as they get their emotional and mental act together. Make no mistake about it. In any relationship, there's either an adult, a child or 2 children or 2 adults. You know what the right answer is.

 

You have to both be adults and this requires discipline. If you need more self-discipline in your life, the other articles in this blog will show you how.

This Is The Secret Ingredient Of Truly Rewarding Relationships

What is a rewarding relationship? If you're reading this, you probably already know what a relationship is. It's an arrangement between 2 people. Maybe they share a certain level of intimacy. Maybe they share certain resources. Maybe they even live together.

 

But at the end of the day, our relationships apply across the board. You're in a relationship with your boss whether you like it or not. You're in a relationship with your friends. That much is obvious. Obviously, you're in a relationship with your relatives.

 

But the problem is just because you're in a relationship doesn't necessarily mean that they are mutually rewarding. In fact, most relationships involve parasitical arrangements. I know that's harsh. I know that at some level or other, it's politically incorrect. But it's also true.

 

Have you ever had a friend who would call you only when she's depressed? She would call you because she has all these problems and she's basically just going on and on about how everybody's unfair and how this person broke her heart and now she's crying and suffering deep down inside.

 

So, you try to be as supportive as you can and you just listen or you give advice. But at the end of the conversation, she feels so much better but at the same time, you feel heavy. It's as if you got hollowed out by this person's complaint and general negativity.

 

Well, that is forgivable if it happens every once in a blue moon. But if it happens all the time, that is a parasitical relationship. Guess what? You're not the parasite. Your friend is. She is benefiting from you. You, on the other hand, are getting emotionally hollowed out. You feel really heavy and at the end of the day, you feel numb.

 

It's as if all your emotional energy just got sucked out. This also applies to romantic relationships. Please understand that there are a lot of broken people out there. Unfortunately, a lot of them don't know they're broken.

 

So, they unload all their insecurities and hang ups on the people who love them. And since you love this person, the relationship becomes some sort of emotional black hole. Every time this person opens her mouth, it's as if all the problems in the world is placed right square on your shoulder and guess what? It's not exactly light.

 

So, what happens? You start looking at your relationship in terms of compartments. You like the sex. You like the intimacy. But you could do without the drama. So, what do you do? You keep her emotionally at arm’s length. You're not really there. You're not present.

 

When she opens her mouth to share her deepest feelings and her most agonizing insecurities, you check out. Now, this is the problem, it doesn't mature you as a person nor does it help her. And unfortunately, your relationship is stuck in neutral.

 

This doesn't necessarily mean it's going to break down. This doesn't necessarily mean that there's a high chance that somebody's going to head out for the door. Instead, I'm talking about something worse.

 

You can stay in a relationship. But essentially, it is not very rewarding. You can stay in that for 30 years. You can stay in it until you die. And the worst part to all of this is that you cheated yourself because that relationship could've been mutually enriching.

 

It could've been a gateway for both of you maturing as adults and going past your comfort zones so you can live up to your fullest emotional and mental potential. But unfortunately, because you lack self-discipline, you just look at your relationship as this necessary evil that you just have to endure because there's something in it for you.

 

Maybe it's the sex. Maybe it's the intimacy. Maybe it's her money. Whatever the case may be, it is an unhealthy arrangement. If you're sick and tired of unhealthy arrangements and relationships that are not all that healthy for you on an emotional, mental or spiritual level, click here.

 

You will get a practical everyday guide on how to become a more self-disciplined person. It doesn't matter how busy you are. It doesn't matter what kind of past drama you have suffered. It doesn't matter what kind of crappy relationship you're in.

 

This framework will help you get the self-discipline you need so you can be that kind, loving, compassionate and effective partner that you are capable of becoming.