Should Every Conflict Be Resolved?

Did you know that there are people that specialize in resolving conflicts? Well, there are, that is just how common conflict issues arise today. But do you also know that not every conflict needs a resolution? Probably not and let's look at that issue today. 

 

Professional conflict coaches have one vital piece of information that they share with their clients. That is to simply learn that you don't always have to be right. 

Think about this for a minute. How many times have you found yourself arguing with someone and refusing to give up, because you want to be seen as the winner? 

 

There is an inbred need inside of people to what to be right or seen as the victor. This is the main reason why so many conflicts are never resolved, instead they boil and cause resentment and anger between family and friends for years. 

 

If you can learn that one simple thing, to give up needing to be right, you will find that you are not involved in as many conflicts. What is so wrong with letting someone else be right for a change? If it makes them happy and ends the conflict, you should be happy too. 

 

Of course, you may encounter a situation that is important and you definitely need to be right. This could be conflicts that deal with your children and their safety for example. 

 

Then there are those conflicts that end up being more silly and less meaningful because they drag on so long. The people involved don't even remember the true cause of the conflict in the first place. All they are left with is that feeling of 'I just have to be right!'

 

The conflicts that don't always need resolving are the ones where you want people to do as you wish. All you are looking for is someone to do as you say. This is very difficult to force onto someone and creates nothing but an angry air of conflict. These are the ones that you should learn to recognize and be strong enough to quit on. 

 

If you are attempting to resolve a conflict and there is just no end in sight, decide if the process is worth working on or not. It might be best to give up and walk away. You are not showing signs of weakness. Instead, you are displaying signs that you are mature enough to recognize that a resolution is not going to happen and walking away is the smartest thing to do. 

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5 Tips for Having Difficult Conversations with your Partner

You love your partner, but sooner or later, a tough conversation needs to happen. While this is normal, (after all, what relationship doesn’t have its bumps along the way) how you handle those conversations will determine whether you come away from this particular conflict with a stronger appreciation for each other. This is why it’s so important to handle difficult conversations well. 

 

How do you ensure you engage in the best conversation possible in these circumstances?

 

Start with Not Putting Off the Talk Longer than Necessary

 

Take time to count to ten or to take a few deep breaths before beginning. After all, starting with too much emotion will be more damaging than helpful. Once you’re cooled down though, it’s time to talk. Why is it better sooner rather than later? By putting things off, you tend to build up resentment and inflate the conflict. It’s important to address situations before they get out of hand. A small problem today is much easier to solve than a giant one several weeks from now.

 

Drop the Good News / Bad News Approach

 

No one likes waiting for the other shoe to drop, so instead of giving the compliment with a ‘but’ lurking to negate everything you’ve just said, just come out and say the bad news first. If you’re determined to add in the compliment, do so after the bad stuff is out of the way, so you leave the person on a more positive note.

 

Plan Your Conversation

 

Rather than blindside your partner with an uncomfortable discussion, let them know you have something you want to talk about. Make it clear you’re wanting to discuss something that affects your feelings, rather than starting out in an attack. There’s a vast difference between, “I’d like to talk to you sometime about your drinking” vs. “I’d like to talk to you about how I feel when I see you drinking so heavily.” 

 

What Are Your Goals?

 

In any heavy conversation, you need to agree at some point on common goals. Working toward the same thing will help you find your way through the conversation to that eventual place.

 

Keep a Positive Spirit

 

Aim for optimism. Even if the conversation isn’t going how you would like it to, finding something to hope for will soften the outcome no matter what. 

 

Difficult conversations are just that: Difficult. But having a plan in place will help you to get through them. Use these steps to build the framework of your conversation, and even if the outcome is bad, getting there won’t be as difficult as you think. 

 

Solve Your Life’s Problems Calmly

Time and again, we come across several issues regarding health, family, relationships, job etc. Sometimes we find a provisional solution to such problems and feel contend that they have vanished forever. Why is meditative thinking and chanting considered a practical and passive therapy to resolve life’s major concerns? It is so, because; contemplative thinking reroutes our minds from the negative to positive. The feelings of resentment, apprehension, rebel and envy paralyse our efforts to solve issues between friends, companions, colleagues and even our own conscience. Focusing through meditation is highly productive and enlightening which is why it is believed that life’s biggest troubles are sorted submissively.

 

If your child is experiencing problems with studies, don’t try to force him to learn how to focus on his assignment. Instead, be cool, calm and collected in helping him build his concentration power. Teach them tolerantly, how to focus on schoolwork and put aside the ‘daydreaming’ for the future! You also need to create an atmosphere at home so that your child does his homework with attentiveness. The setting should have educational wall charts, comfortable desks, less traffic and clatter. TV is a big distraction for kids and you have to ensure that your kid will fail to focus when TV is viewed at the background.

 

It is a must that you develop patience to deal with life’s problems. When we experience repeated failure, we give up saying’ ‘maybe this was not my destiny’. Truthfully speaking, it is a cover up on our lack of patience as we give up too quickly without focusing on how to be tolerant. Being satisfied with second-rate results is not the answer to long-standing success. Our thoughts and actions have to be well planned out and precise with appropriate progress of the focal point. With firmness in your thoughts, you can acquire stupendous success even after a series of failures.

 

Your Relationships May Suck Because You Lack This Powerful Personal Trait

Do you have a tough time in your relationships? Does it seem like regardless of how awesome things start out, they eventually end up in the same place?

 

Now, please understand that I'm not talking about your romantic relationship breaking up. It's not that bad. Your relationship is still intact. But it's not as full or as rich as you would've hoped. You have to understand that real relationships are mutually rewarding.

 

In other words, they challenge you to become a better person. You're not really looking to benefit the other person, per se. You're looking to become a better person because of the relationship. It helps you mature. It helps you commit. It helps you dedicate your life, your emotions and your resources to something bigger and better than you.

 

A lot of people don't understand this about relationships. But the ultimate truth about this type of interpersonal arrangement is the fact that you have to lie to yourself for the relationship to flourish. In other words, the relationship is not about you. 

 

It's not about what you want. It's not about what you need. It's not about what makes you happy. It's not about the things that put a smile of your face. It's not about you. Instead, it's about your ability to commit to something bigger than you over a long period of time.

 

This commitment is easy to understand when things are going well. When you love your partner and she loves you back, it's very easy to see why people stay in the relationship. It is mutually rewarding. 

 

But what if the love doesn't come back? What if, try as hard as you might, there's no mutuality there? Does that mean that the relationship has to go 6 feet under? Does that mean that you have to head for the door and call it quits?

 

Well, this is the choice you have. And unfortunately, if you don't have the powerful personal trait of self-discipline, it's very easy for your relationships to die at some level or other. As I've said early on in this blog post, even if your relationship is still intact, it may still suck. 

 

Why? It's not very fulfilling. In fact, if you're completely honest about it, the relationship has, for lack of a better word, died a long time ago. You're just going through the motions.

 

Maybe you're afraid of having to go through the long process of meeting somebody new. Maybe you don't like rejection. Maybe there's just so many things out there that you're afraid of because you don't know what could go wrong so you stay in the relationship.

 

But for all intents and purposes, it's dead. Your relationship sucks. Why? You lack self-discipline. If you want your relationship to flourish, be self-disciplined. It's that simple! 

 

This means you have to pay attention to the needs of the other person. This means that you have to put the relationship ahead of your needs. This means that you have to give everything that you have, regardless of how you feel, regardless of what other people are saying, so the relationship can flourish.

 

It's all about sacrifice. In other words, it's all about becoming an emotional adult. The problem is the more you think you're entitled to the relationship serving you or giving you something that you don't have, that's going to be a problem.

 

The longer you think that the other person has to somehow, someway, complete you instead of you maturing and stepping up, that's going to be a problem. The solution to this is self-discipline.

 

It takes self-discipline to put somebody else's needs first. It takes self-discipline to continue being patient with somebody as they get their emotional and mental act together. Make no mistake about it. In any relationship, there's either an adult, a child or 2 children or 2 adults. You know what the right answer is.

 

You have to both be adults and this requires discipline. If you need more self-discipline in your life, the other articles in this blog will show you how.

This Is The Secret Ingredient Of Truly Rewarding Relationships

What is a rewarding relationship? If you're reading this, you probably already know what a relationship is. It's an arrangement between 2 people. Maybe they share a certain level of intimacy. Maybe they share certain resources. Maybe they even live together.

 

But at the end of the day, our relationships apply across the board. You're in a relationship with your boss whether you like it or not. You're in a relationship with your friends. That much is obvious. Obviously, you're in a relationship with your relatives.

 

But the problem is just because you're in a relationship doesn't necessarily mean that they are mutually rewarding. In fact, most relationships involve parasitical arrangements. I know that's harsh. I know that at some level or other, it's politically incorrect. But it's also true.

 

Have you ever had a friend who would call you only when she's depressed? She would call you because she has all these problems and she's basically just going on and on about how everybody's unfair and how this person broke her heart and now she's crying and suffering deep down inside.

 

So, you try to be as supportive as you can and you just listen or you give advice. But at the end of the conversation, she feels so much better but at the same time, you feel heavy. It's as if you got hollowed out by this person's complaint and general negativity.

 

Well, that is forgivable if it happens every once in a blue moon. But if it happens all the time, that is a parasitical relationship. Guess what? You're not the parasite. Your friend is. She is benefiting from you. You, on the other hand, are getting emotionally hollowed out. You feel really heavy and at the end of the day, you feel numb.

 

It's as if all your emotional energy just got sucked out. This also applies to romantic relationships. Please understand that there are a lot of broken people out there. Unfortunately, a lot of them don't know they're broken.

 

So, they unload all their insecurities and hang ups on the people who love them. And since you love this person, the relationship becomes some sort of emotional black hole. Every time this person opens her mouth, it's as if all the problems in the world is placed right square on your shoulder and guess what? It's not exactly light.

 

So, what happens? You start looking at your relationship in terms of compartments. You like the sex. You like the intimacy. But you could do without the drama. So, what do you do? You keep her emotionally at arm’s length. You're not really there. You're not present.

 

When she opens her mouth to share her deepest feelings and her most agonizing insecurities, you check out. Now, this is the problem, it doesn't mature you as a person nor does it help her. And unfortunately, your relationship is stuck in neutral.

 

This doesn't necessarily mean it's going to break down. This doesn't necessarily mean that there's a high chance that somebody's going to head out for the door. Instead, I'm talking about something worse.

 

You can stay in a relationship. But essentially, it is not very rewarding. You can stay in that for 30 years. You can stay in it until you die. And the worst part to all of this is that you cheated yourself because that relationship could've been mutually enriching.

 

It could've been a gateway for both of you maturing as adults and going past your comfort zones so you can live up to your fullest emotional and mental potential. But unfortunately, because you lack self-discipline, you just look at your relationship as this necessary evil that you just have to endure because there's something in it for you.

 

Maybe it's the sex. Maybe it's the intimacy. Maybe it's her money. Whatever the case may be, it is an unhealthy arrangement. If you're sick and tired of unhealthy arrangements and relationships that are not all that healthy for you on an emotional, mental or spiritual level, click here.

 

You will get a practical everyday guide on how to become a more self-disciplined person. It doesn't matter how busy you are. It doesn't matter what kind of past drama you have suffered. It doesn't matter what kind of crappy relationship you're in.

 

This framework will help you get the self-discipline you need so you can be that kind, loving, compassionate and effective partner that you are capable of becoming.

How to Change Your Mindset and Pickup Anyone From a Bar

Changing your mindset can help you to accomplish all kinds of things in life. It can help you to be happier with what you have right now, it can help you to go after the right goals and ambitions and it can help you to be more successful in your career.

 

But it can also change your love life and help you to be more effective in going after what you want. Read on and we’ll see how a simple mindset shift changes everything in this sense.

 

Frozen by Fear

 

If you’re just like most people, then chances are that you’ll feel a fair amount of fear when thinking about approaching members of the opposite sex in a bar. You’ll find yourself thinking that you might get turned down and humiliated or that it will damage your self-esteem.

 

The first trick to fixing this problem is to acknowledge it. Simply understanding that it’s fear that’s holding you back (or ruining your chances) and knowing the nature of that fear will give you the chance to undo it.

 

In this case, we’re going to undo it by removing the risk.

 

How to Mitigate Risk in a Dating Scenario

 

Now you know what you’re afraid of, you can simply change your strategy to mitigate the risk and to put yourself in with a better chance of success.

 

In this case, that means removing the opportunity for them to turn you down or greatly reducing the chances. And the simple way to do that, is to look at what it is to find out if they’re interested before you have to approach them!

 

How can you do this? By testing the waters from a distance before approaching. You do this by looking around the bar and making eye contact. When you see someone you like the looks of, smile and hold their gaze. If they look away or don’t look pleased, then you can probably presume it’s a ‘no’.

 

But if they smile back and look happy, then you can make the assumption that they’re at least somewhat interested – at least somewhat open to the prospect of you approaching them at the very least.

 

Now approach their group with your group and speak to the whole group. Once you’ve seen how that’s gone, try asking if they’d like a drink when you go to the bar.

 

You can take this further but essentially, you’re edging forward without ever making any moves that can lead to rejection – removing the fear and changing your mindset in the process!

 

How to Communicate More Confidently

We have many opportunities to demonstrate our confidence or otherwise, but perhaps the most obvious example is when we are talking to an individual or a group.

 

Those who have low self-esteem or confidence are likely to mutter, to stutter and to avoid eye contact. Those who are highly confident and sure of themselves will speak loudly and proudly.

 

So with that in mind, how do you go about communicating as confidently as possible and helping to ensure your message comes across well while also making you look sure of yourself and of what you’re saying?

 

Speak Slowly

 

The first tip is to talk more slowly. When we are nervous, we will often speak more quickly without even realizing it. This is a result of neurotransmitters being released which slow our perception of time and which encourage rushing.

 

Simply slowing down then will greatly increase your sense of calm and authority. Not only that, but by giving people longer to hang on to what you’re saying will let your words have more impact and drama. This also suggests a trust in what you’re saying – it shows you aren’t worried people will stop listening – whereas rushing makes us seem like we’re worried people are just going to move on!

 

Watch any big celebrity talk on TV and you’ll notice they tell lots of stories and they always build suspense and use rhetorical questions. They’ll use repetition and leave big gaps. This takes huge confidence, but if you can pull it off, then you’ll have an audience eating from your hands!

 

Make Eye Contact

 

One of the most important things you can do to demonstrate confidence as you speak is to maintain eye contact. This is true if you’re speaking with just one person and it shows that you aren’t afraid to meet their gaze and to speak to them as equals. It’s also true if you’re speaking to a crowd however, in which case you need to look at everyone and to ensure they are all following and included.

 

Be Congruent

 

Finally, remember that communication is only somewhat verbal. More of what we mean is conveyed through body language and this is why it’s so important that your body language reflects what you’re saying. Be passionate and let your arms do the talking along with the words you’re saying. You’ll appear more honest, more confident and far more engaging!

 

How to Deal With Toxic People

If you have chronically low self-esteem, then there’s a good chance that this came from other people. 

 

The nasty thing about insecurity, jealousy and low esteem is that they are contagious. If you aren’t confident in yourself, then it will often cause you to become destructive and mean. You might put other people down in order to feel better about yourself and you might try to prevent others from fulfilling their potential because you don’t want to be left behind – even if this is happening in an unconscious way.

 

At the same time, low self-esteem can mean you talk other people out of taking chances or following their dreams. This is not out of malice: in this case it simply comes down to the fact that you don’t have much faith in the ability that anyone has to change their fate.

Chances are that you’ll know people like this in your life and that they could be the reason for your low self-esteem and confidence. Most upsettingly, there is a better-than-average chance that this came from your parents.

 

The number one way to raise a happy and confident child is to love them unconditionally and to believe in them 100% and support them 100%. You need to be confident in yourself to do this.

 

So, what do you do now if you’re trying to fix your low esteem but you’re surrounded by people who are dragging you down?

 

The Best Advice

 

The tip you’ll often read is that you should simply cut off contact with toxic or destructive people.

 

I’ll say that you should take this advice if anyone is being purposefully cruel or belittling. You don’t have time in your life for malicious people.

 

But if someone is doing it unintentionally, you shouldn’t just write them off: chances are they simply need help.

 

What you do in the meantime is to surround yourself with more people who are positive, supportive and who do love you unconditionally. And you always remember to view what the toxic, negative people say through a lens of logic and reason. If they are putting you down, is it because they have a genuine point? Or is it because they themselves have low esteem?

 

Finally, try to build them up too. That means you should ask them why they feel the way they do and do everything to support them. You can pull each other out of this funk, that is what friends are for after all!

 

How to Walk With Confidence

Have you ever seen someone walk into a room and immediately demand attention and respect? This is a truly quite amazing thing to witness and it demonstrates an incredible amount of confidence and poise to be able to pull off.

 

Partly, this comes down to the way we walk. Even this seemingly innocuous activity can drastically change the ‘vibes’ that we give off, and so it’s important to recognize what kinds of signals we’re putting out.

 

Walking with confidence is something that isn’t easy but you can develop it over time if you know how.

 

The Basics

 

Walking with confidence does not mean swaggering your shoulders like those kids that want to be gangsters. It doesn’t mean being aggressive and it doesn’t even necessarily mean walking quickly or walking with ‘purpose’.

 

What it means, is walking as someone who is very confident and very happy and comfortable with who they are. 

 

And as is so often the case with body language, this often comes down to the direction you’re looking and just how much space you take up. Walk with your chest pointing upwards and your chin slightly raised and you will beam happiness and confidence.

 

Walk in a hunched manner with a shuffle and you will find you look naturally shy and retiring. 

 

Often what is recommended is that you imagine a ray of light is bursting out your chest as you walk – which can transform your entire stance.

 

One more important tip? Smile as you walk. Smiling is one of the signs of confidence.

 

The Hard Part

 

Simple. Done and done!

 

Right?

 

Unfortunately, it’s not quite that easy. Because I imagine you’ve been walking for a long time. Probably since you were about 1…

 

Which means some habits will be deeply ingrained and they can be hard to shake.

 

And remembering to do these things is very hard indeed. It comes down to mindfulness and of being a little bit aware of how you act and what you do. 

 

One way to instil this new behavior then is to look for a trigger or a prompt. A good one is passing through thresholds and doorways. In other words, every time you walk into a new room, remember the chest trick!

 

Another way is to practice mindfulness in general. This is a powerful and very useful skill that makes us more aware of ourselves in a non-judgement way.

 

Body Language for Confidence

There are many different things that will both influence your confidence and also be influenced by your confidence. Confidence is often a somewhat circular subject matter and this can often make it hard to know where to start.

 

This is the case with body language. Being confident gives you better body language. But having better body language also makes you more confident!

 

What Does Confident Body Language Look Like?

 

Confident body language basically involves looking relaxed and calm. Many of us assume that confident body language will necessarily involve looking menacing or intimidating, but the reality is that this makes us look defensive.

 

Likewise, attempting to look aloof or cool will simply make you look like a try hard. Remember the kids at school who smoked in their leather jackets and were just kind of tragic?

 

Being truly confident means you have nothing to prove, it means you aren’t overly concerned what other people think and it means you’re able to relax because you feel unthreatened. 

 

For instance, while some people might think that having their arms crossed makes them seem aloof and indifferent, the reality is that it makes them look guarded and uncertain.

 

In contrast, if you have your arms apart and your legs apart, you are allowing yourself to be vulnerable. This instantly makes you seem far more confident because you aren’t concerned about threat from others and because you’re allowing yourself to take up lots of space!

 

Look comfy and you look calm. Look calm and you appear confident!

 

More Signs of Confidence

 

There are other signs that you are confident that go beyond comfort of course. One example is the subtle indication of ownership. There are many ways you can subtly imply ownership but the most common is touching. If you learn against a doorway, or if you put your arm across the back of the sofa, it creates the impression that you feel almost as though you own that thing. 

 

That’s why leaning on a wall or doorframe is a surefire way to communicate a lot of self-confidence.

 

The same actually goes for touching people. And this is why touching someone on the shoulder can make you seem much more confident – especially if it is done in an encouraging and non-threatening way.

 

Remember though: body language is best read as a whole. It’s not so much a matter of each individual aspect of your body language that will convey a sentiment as it is the entire package.