Family Life: How to Simplify Family Communication

With all the technical advances today, it’d be easy to assume that family communication has gotten simpler. But families are receiving thousands of messages each day from electronic devices. 

 

Whether it’s the advertisements on your smartphone games, the Twitter chats you follow, or the Pinterest boards you scroll through, you’re being given an information overload. This overload can cause problems in communicating with the ones you love most.

 

Staying connected with your significant other or your children is important. Without communication, family members will eventually retreat into separate lives. To prevent this from happening and to keep your communication line open follow these tips.

 

Give your full attention.

 

If you’ve ever tried to communicate with someone that stared at their smartphone the entire time, then you know how frustrating this can be. It can feel like the other person is saying, “You’re not important to me.”

 

When your kids see you constantly connected to electronic devices, they may be less likely to open up to you and have serious conversations. That’s why it can be helpful to have technology free periods in your day. For example, if your child is a morning person, then consider having a no-technology rule at breakfast. This gives you and your kids time to connect when they’re at their best. 

 

Build a foundation of love and trust.

 

If your loved ones feel like they’re going to be judged, they’re not going to communicate with you. An essential ingredient to healthy family communication is kindness. When your child or significant other is talking, don’t rush to make a judgement. Instead, try to ask open-ended questions like ‘how did you feel when that happened’ or ‘what are you going to do about this situation’. 

 

Listen to body language.

 

When it comes to communication, few things are more helpful than body language. During conversations with your kids, take a moment to analyze their body language. Are their words defiant but their eyes are filled with fear? This extra bit of information can make a big difference in getting to the bottom of what’s bothering your loved one.

 

Discover what you want from your heart.

 

Understanding what you want and need from your relationships is an important part of communicating with loved ones. For example, it might be that you feel loved when someone performs an act of service for you or when someone offers words of affirmation.

 

When you know what your love language is, don’t be afraid to ask for it. You might say, “Mommy’s feeling sad. Can I have a hug?” 

 

Of course, your children can’t provide for all of your emotional needs. But when you express what you want, you’re sending the message to your kids that it’s OK to ask for support in the way that they need it.

 

Communication is a key part of any relationship. If you make a mistake in communicating with your kids, don’t be afraid to be humble and apologize. This keeps your communication lines strong.

 

Reflections And Intentions…

 

1. When a loved one is speaking, how do you communicate that you're listening? Do you nod along, put down your smartphone, etc.?

            

2. In what ways do you ask for support or comfort from your loved ones?

 

3. Does your family have technology free time periods? Why or why not?

 

Family Life: 5 Steps to Creating A Family Vision Board

A family vision board is a tool that can be a fun way to represent your goals as a family. With a vision board, your family can visualize what life will be like when you accomplish your goals. It can also give each member of the family a feeling of purpose while doing everyday tasks. 

 

It’s difficult for kids to understand that your family is saving money for a dream vacation when they’re eating leftovers or buying second hand clothing. This is because kids don’t always see the long-term payoff of short-term sacrifices. But when you have a family vision board, you can show your kids pictures of your dream vacation and encourage them to think about how much fun they’re going to have in a few months.

 

Ready to create your own family vision board? Here’s how to get started now…

 

Step #1: Gather your family.

 

It’s important that every member of your family contributes to the vision board. When your kids feel like they’re part of the process, they’re more likely to take ownership and work toward your family’s goals.

 

Step #2: Schedule it. 

 

You’ll want plan for time to work on your vision board. Even a small vision board can take several hours to complete. If you don’t have a lot of time for family activities, you can break up the creation phase into several small meetings.

 

It’s important that you make these meetings fun for your family. Consider having special drinks or snacks as you work on your board and encourage each family member to dream big.

 

Step #3: Decide on the format.

 

Now that you’re ready to get started, you’ll want to consider what format is going to work best for your family. Your family can create your vision board as a poster, a scrapbook or as a digital slideshow. If you’ll be creating a poster or scrapbook, you’ll want to gather plenty of supplies like scissors, tape, old magazines, and even paint.

 

For a digital vision board, you can create your board inside a program like Photoshop or GIMP. If you’re not skilled with graphic design, don’t worry. There are plenty of websites that allow you to create a vision board online. 

 

Step #4: Consider your family’s goals.

 

Now comes the fun part. Start talking with your family about your core values, people you’d like to meet, places you’d like to visit, and adventures you’d like to have. Where do you want to be as a family in five years? 

 

If you’re overwhelmed with ideas, it’s OK to divide your vison board into sections. You could create sections for academic goals, travel goals, or career goals. 

 

Step #5: Stay positive.

 

Creativity requires positive energy. If a family member says something negative, have them write that thought down then crumple the sheet and toss it into the trash. Explain that letting go of negativity is essential to dreaming big.

 

A family vision board can be a lot of fun to create. Let every family member contribute to it in some way. This will help you bond as a family and allow you to support each other’s goals. 

 

Reflections And Intentions…

 

1. Has your family created a vision board? If not, when can you schedule time so you can do this fun family activity?

            

2. What did you learn about your family members by creating a vision board together?

            

3. Looking at your vision board, how can you show support for each family member's goals?

 

Family Life: Stop Comparing And Decide What YOU Want

Kids have a tendency to compare their life to their friends’ lives. They might argue over who got more gifts for Christmas, who has better clothes, or who’s more popular at school. As a parent, you probably tell your child not to compare. 

 

It’s easy to tell your kids to stop this habit, but it’s not easy to model it. When other families in your neighborhood move to bigger homes in better neighborhoods, you might feel the pressure to do the same thing. 

 

When your friends travel more often and further away, you might feel that your family is lagging behind. Even simple things like your child’s birthday party can cause you to compare, so you spend time and money planning an elaborate party that’s better than their friends’ parties. 

 

Is Comparison Making Your Family Miserable?

 

Like your kids, you may feel the need to measure up and prove that you and your family are just as good as everyone else. But constantly trying to outdo everyone else can cause you and your family members to experience overwhelm, burnout, depression, and even panic attacks.

 

Maybe you recognize some of your own comparison habits or the habits of your children. The good news is that you can undo the damage with time and practice.

 

What Do Kids Really Want?

 

As a parent, you might be tempted to believe that what your child really wants is the latest gaming console, the best clothes, or the hottest electronics. But social experiments like Ikea: The Other Letter show that children prefer quality time with their parents to gifts and expensive luxury items. 

 

You don’t have to move your family to a remote cabin in the mountains in order to spend more quality time together. You can play board games, go on a hike, or build a fort in the living room. Even simple things like going to the grocery store together can be special if you and your child power off the electronics. By disconnecting with technology, you and your child will find it easier to connect with each other. 

 

How Can You Inspire Your Kids?

 

Another helpful way to end comparisons is to create a family vision board. This lets you and your kids define what you value most as individuals and as a family. You can use this board to guide you when making family decisions so that everyone feels heard.

 

You can also help your kids stop comparing their lives to their friends’ by getting them involved in events for those in need. When your child volunteers at a soup kitchen every Saturday, they gain perspective. They begin to understand that there are worse things than having leftovers twice a week. When you encourage your child to help others, you’re teaching them to develop an attitude of gratitude and creating a desire to serve others. 

When it comes to comparison, understand that it can take some time to change your family’s attitudes. Keep working at it and encourage your kids to hold you accountable, too.

 

Reflections And Intentions…

 

1. Who do you find yourself comparing your family to? In what ways do you compare?

            

2. When your kids start comparing themselves to their friends, what advice do you usually offer? Does this advice seem to help?

            

3. How can you get your kids involved in activities that help those in need?

5 Tips for Delegating Effectively

One of the quickest ways to burnout is trying to do everything yourself. You need to be able to recognize what is absolutely necessary for you to be doing, and what you can give others to do. In fact, good delegation can result in improved productivity, efficiency, and reduced stress. 

 

In what follows, are tips for delegating.

 

1. Always be very clear about what you expect

 

If you do not do this, then the work that gets done is surely not going to match your expectations. Be very specific. For example, if you want someone to write a letter for you, be sure to tell him that you expect an introduction, a conclusion, tips written out in point form, saved in doc format, and so forth. You may even want to give him an example of another letter so that he can see what you are talking about.

 

At home, if you are delegating some of the chores to your children, be sure to provide them with a checklist that reminds them of everything that you are expecting them to do. For example, if one of your children is responsible for cleaning the bathroom, then be sure to list all tasks that need to be completed such as wiping down the countertops, cleaning the sink, changing the hand towel, etc. Otherwise, without this list, something is sure to be forgotten. 

 

2. Create standard operating procedures

 

If you plan to delegate use of a particular type of software, for example, you might want to document step by step how to use it or what you need done. An affordable program that would allow you to document procedures is "Clarify", as it allows you to take screenshots and add text explanations. 

 

3. Do not over-delegate

 

You need to recognize the difference between the tasks that require your input and those that do not. In other words, delegate those tasks that do not require your expertise, but you do the work that requires your skills and expertise. 

 

An example might be an Occupational Therapist working in a nursing home. The Occupational Therapist is the only one with the knowledge and expertise to prescribe the right kind of wheelchair and cushion for a resident who is leaning severely and is at risk of long-term postural issues, but it is not necessary for that Occupational Therapist to be fixing the wheel locks on the wheelchair when that can be delegated to maintenance, a Rehab Assistant, or the equipment vendor from which it was purchased. 

 

4. Continue to be involved even when you delegate

 

Do not expect just to hand off a task to someone, and expect it to come back to you a month later exactly as you wanted it. To ensure that the work gets done the way you want, be sure to check in on a regular basis with the individual that you are delegating the work to. This will ensure that if there are any problems, you catch them early so that they can be corrected. In saying this, you also have to be careful that you do not micromanage everything either. Otherwise, you are setting both of you up for frustration and failure. 

 

5. Show your appreciation

 

People want to feel appreciated, and like they are valued for their input. Be sure to say "thank you," and show your appreciation to those you delegate your tasks. 

 

Using Stephen Covey's Methods to Set Priorities to Prevent Burnout

A huge factor in burnout is the stress related to feeling like you do not have enough time to get everything done in a day. It can feel like everyone wants you to attend to things immediately, even things that are not really that important! Our bodies are not machines, and it is important to remember that we cannot treat them as such. This is why learning how to set priorities is so important. 

 

Surprisingly, there are many people who do not know how to do this effectively. In what follows are methods to set priorities in your life.

 

"The key is not to prioritize what's on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities." – Stephen Covey

 

Stephen Covey has created a quadrant grid that is helpful in determining where you are currently spending your time, and where you should be spending your time. 

 

According to Covey, tasks can be separated into:

 

1. Urgent and Important

 

These are the things that absolutely need to get done right away. For example, if you are at work and a report is due by 2 p.m. when you have a meeting to attend, that becomes the priority.

 

2. Not Urgent and Important

 

These are the things that most people do not spend enough time doing. These are the kinds of tasks that are important for long-term growth and development. An example may include wanting to create a more efficient system of getting your work done, but it always seems to get thrown to the bottom of the pile because the urgent tasks (both important and unimportant) always get attended to first.

 

3. Urgent and Not Important

 

These are the things that are not important, but someone else wants you do deal with it immediately. An example may be that your television, which you never watch, breaks down, and your spouse wants to go out and buy a new one immediately even though you don't feel the same way about the situation.

 

4. Not Urgent and Not Important

 

These are tasks that you do, but are often time wasters or meant to be a distraction. A good example might be Facebook. 

 

Now, you want to create a list and figure out where your "to-do" daily tasks fit in these categories. You can get back more hours in your day and week by simply tweaking what you are already doing, and reorganizing and regrouping your list. This can result in less stress, and less chance for burnout in the long run. 

 

5 Ways to Avoid Burnout When you Work for Yourself from Home

Working from home has many perks such as flexible hours, avoiding being stuck in traffic, and increased career satisfaction and happiness. If there is one disadvantage to working from home though, it would be that it is harder to separate your work life and your personal life as both often co-exist in the same space. Although most people would agree that the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages, burnout is still a possibility for those who work from home. In what follows, are ideas of ways to avoid burnout if you are working from home.

 

1. Set work hours and stick to them

 

Although your hours may be flexible, it is still a good idea to set your hours and stick to them as much as possible. When you have worked those hours in the day, then you are done your workday, and it is time to put work away until the next day. Because you work from home, it can be very tempting to work long hours, but do not get stuck in this rut on a regular basis. 

 

2. Treat your work hours seriously

 

When you set your own hours, sometimes your family and friends may not understand that just because you are home, that you are not available. For example, just because you are home, does not mean that you are automatically the backup sitter if your sister's daycare worker suddenly calls in sick. It can also be tempting to meet up with a friend for coffee, but if that coffee date turns into a two-hour visit, that is two hours gone during your workday. Instead, plan for meeting with friends outside of your set work hours. 

 

In addition, be sure that you are not running errands during your work hours for your spouse, or that you spend your time doing laundry and the dishes instead. 

 

Furthermore, if you have young children of your own, make sure that they attend daycare during your work hours as it is next to impossible to get much work done when they also need your attention. 

 

Because no one is watching you, it is also easy to waste time checking Facebook and email messages. Be sure to limit your time with these activities. 

 

3. Plan and schedule family and personal time

 

In the previous two points, we have discussed planning and setting your work hours. However, you need to remember to plan and schedule the rest of your life too. Be sure to plan family game nights and exercise sessions into your schedule. Write them down or put them in your phone's calendar and be sure to follow through with them. 

 

4. Plan rest periods during your workday

 

If you really like the work you do from home, then it probably does not even feel like work. However, it is still important to give your body and brain a rest by taking breaks. You may need to set a timer to remind you every two hours to get up and do something else. A good break may be getting up and running on the treadmill while you watch your favorite television program. 

 

5 .Do not skip meals

 

This seems like common sense, however it is easy to do when you are alone at home. After all, a large component of meals is the socialization aspect, and there is no one to socialize with when you are by yourself. There is also no cafeteria like you find in a lot of work sites, so you also have to prepare your own food at home.

 

By ensuring you eat healthy meals and snacks throughout the day, you are ensuring that your body is getting the right nutrients and energy it needs. 

 

Are Your Fears Holding You Back?

Fear is an emotion that can hold you back from reaching your goals and levels of success in your career – or even in school. Taking risks is part of everyday life but can be hindered if you are fearful of the unknown. How often do you say no to something just because you are fearful of what you think could happen?

 

Five Types of Fear

 

The top five fears that may be holding you back could include the following:

 

• Feeling inadequate – Do you fear you are not good enough or lack the skills to pursue your dreams? You can overcome this fear by knowing and understanding your importance in a particular area of your life. 

• The unknown – Do you have the common fear of the unknown? You can overcome this fear by having a vision for yourself and your future. 

• FOMO – Fear of Missing Out is when you wish you were doing what others are doing because it looks better than what you’re doing. This type of fear is a distraction that can keep you from forming real relationships. 

• Change – Fear of change can steal your joy and peace. To overcome this fear, take time to enjoy the moment you are in. Doing this can help you appreciate your life and relationships in a deeper manner. 

• Being judged – No one wants to be judged by others and being vulnerable opens you up for the possibility of being judged. Adam Kirk Smith, Author of “The Bravest You” says “embrace your personal story” to overcome this fear. 

 

Fear can be crippling and can hold you back from your true potential. Though you may never live a completely fear-free life, there are ways you can overcome the fears in your life. 

 

It’s important to be open and honest with your fears too. You could even journal those fears so you can write down the ways to overcome them. The majority of fear comes from the unknown or even the thought of taking a risk. No one wants to be judged so it comes naturally to stay away from these types of situations. Lack of self-esteem or self-confidence can be an underlying cause of such fears. 

 

Overcome Your Fears

 

Begin by establishing a purpose for taking a risk; doing so this can remove that fear. Knowing your purpose will help you overcome many fears in your life. Purpose and meaning in life can help you move past your fears and guide you along your life’s journey.

 

Consider using positive affirmations when you are faced with a fear. Knowing where you are and what you want can help move you from a state of fear to a position of success. 

 

Finally, understand that not all fear is negative. Some fear can save your life and help you through a life-or-death situation. According to PsychologyToday.com “Real fear can save our lives, embrace it. Manufactured fear divides us, let it go. And, be sure to give fear the attention it needs so you can distinguish between the two.”

Signs You Might Be Experiencing Impostor Syndrome

Impostor syndrome is defined as, “anxiety or self-doubt that results from persistently undervaluing one’s competence and active role in achieving success, while falsely attributing one’s accomplishments to luck or other external forces.” Now that you know what impostor syndrome is, how do you know if you are living with it?

 

Five Signs You Have Impostor Syndrome

 

Here are five common signs that you are living with impostor syndrome.

 

• You cannot assess your skills and abilities realistically because you are giving yourself unrealistic goals to accomplish. 

• You connect your success to the outcome, giving no thought to the amount of work you put forth.

• You put down your own efforts and accomplishments by shrugging them off as if they were “not that good”. 

• You live in constant fear of failing to meet your own expectations, but fail to acknowledge the goals you’ve reached. 

• You engage in activities that self-sabotage potential success by choosing to deliberately procrastinate. 

 

Many people with impostor syndrome look for ways to protect their ego and self-esteem when faced with tough situations. There are negative side effects to living with impostor syndrome, such as hindering your chance of success by choosing to create a barrier. Some individuals use their limiting beliefs, or feelings of impostor syndrome, for motivation.

 

External Proof versus Internal Thoughts

 

Impostor syndrome keeps you from internally accepting or believing your abilities or successes. The more you accomplish and succeed, the stronger the negative thoughts can become. 

 

Do you struggle with thoughts or feelings of being a fraud in your career or at school? Have you reached a goal yet you don’t feel you did it well enough? These are examples of how individuals with impostor syndrome feel. Even though you accomplished the goal you set out to do, you can’t seem to internally believe it was good enough. 

 

Internal feelings can increase the anxiety and could lead to intense feelings of being a fraud. This creates a vicious cycle and it may require the help of a psychologist or therapist to overcome this phenomenon. If the impostor syndrome is not correctly handled, it can lead to feelings of isolation or even feelings of dread. 

 

Impostor syndrome is often passed down to a person from their family, unknowingly. It may not be evident until later in their teens or adulthood. Another potential cause may be from entering a new career field where you internally compare your skills to those who have been at the job longer than yourself. There could also be a number of external factors that could cause a person to be inflicted with impostor syndrome. 

 

Once you realize you have impostor syndrome, you can take steps to overcome it. Some of these steps include sharing your feelings and fears with trusted individuals. Ask yourself if your thoughts are honest and rational. Assess whether you are comparing yourself to others without even realizing it. Keep in mind that successful people struggle with impostor syndrome and often relate their success to luck instead of hard work. Let your guard down and let others see you for who you really are. 

 

Success Is Not Luck, It’s You!

Do you have feelings or worries that your co-workers or friends will think you're a fraud? Do you often feel like you don’t belong? These are feelings of impostor syndrome and an estimated 70% of successful people experience this in their lives. 

 

Impostor syndrome can cause you to feel that you only accomplished your goals due to luck. Maybe you think you aren’t as good as your boss thinks you are and you worry that you’ll be found out. 

 

Research shows us that both men and women battle impostor syndrome and are unable to acknowledge and own their successes. 

 

Five Patterns of Impostor Syndrome

 

According to the impostor expert Valerie Young and author of “The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women”, there are five patterns that can be found in those who suffer from this phenomenon.

• You set unrealistic goals for yourself and are often considered a perfectionist. 

• You are afraid to speak up or answer questions due to fear of not knowing the answer.

• You are afraid to ask for help because you think you’ll look like a failure to others.

• You feel like a fraud if the answer doesn’t come naturally.

• You push yourself hard than your peers in order to prove yourself. 

 

Individuals that live with impostor syndrome think that things happen to them due to luck rather than their own hard work or abilities. This then leads to a cycle of negative thinking that can hold them back from moving up the corporate ladder. They may even end up working harder than necessary, which could lead to increased feelings of failure or burnout.

 

Change Your Mindset, Change Your Life

 

If you are living with impostor syndrome you may struggle with accepting your own success. Perhaps you feel that you don’t deserve your corporate position or an award of accomplishment. If you can relate to this, then there are some suggestions on how you can fix your inner impostor. 

 

• Change your mindset to accept your shortcomings instead of seeking a perfect outcome with every project or goal. 

• Embrace your imperfections and learn to accept yourself the way you are. Remind yourself that you did your best. 

• Keep a list of realistic goals. If you have a list of goals already then look through them with honesty.

• Believe the effort you’ve put forth regardless of the outcome. You may have worked hard towards a goal just to fall short of the desired outcome. This is an opportunity to accept the outcome and still be proud of the work you put into it. 

• Create a focused goal instead of trying to divide your attention energy between unrelated topics. Be okay with having someone else work on a particular area of a task so you are free to focus on what you enjoy.

 

Impostor syndrome can cause the strongest and most successful individuals to feel like they are not good enough. This syndrome has a negative effect on all areas of your life. So take time to assess where you are and what you can do to move forward in your life.