Are Emotional Vampires Draining You Dry?

Is your energy constantly being drained by emotional vampires? The people around us affect how we feel and view the world. There are plenty of reasons why some people may drain your energy more than others. You could be dealing with a narcissist, or someone who complains most of the time.

 

If you have an emotional vampire draining you dry, it’s time to start protecting your energy. Below, you’ll discover how to recognize the signs of an emotional vampire, and the best ways to protect your energy.

 

Understanding The Different Types of Emotional Vampires

 

Emotional vampires come in a variety of forms. They include:

 

• Victims

• Narcissists

• Constant talkers

• Controllers

• Drama queens

 

Each type of emotional vampire will leave you feeling tired and deflated after being in their company. Victim emotional vampires are the people who always play the victim, even when they are the perpetrator. Narcissists are only interested in their own thoughts and feelings, while constant talkers drain your mental energy. 

 

Most of us know at least one type of emotional vampire in our lives. Not sure how to identify them? There are a few signs to watch out for…

 

Tell-Tale Signs You Are Dealing with An Emotional Vampire

 

There are several tell-tale signs that can help you decide if you’re dealing with an emotional vampire. The main signs to watch out for include:

• You feel mentally exhausted after spending time with them.

• You feel depressed or anxious around them.

• You feel like they are putting you down.

• You turn to comfort eating or drinking alcohol after being around them.

 

Everyone who encounters an emotional vampire will feel at least one of the things above. You basically don’t feel great when you spend time with them.

 

Protecting Your Energy

 

If you are dealing with an emotional vampire, how can you stop them from draining your energy? The good news is there are strategies you can use to deal with them. 

 

First, if you can, you should distance yourself from the person. Avoiding being around an emotional vampire is the best way to stop them negatively impacting you. However, this isn’t always possible. 

 

If you can’t distance yourself, make sure you are practicing self-care. Taking care of yourself will allow you to feel more confident to set healthy boundaries. You will naturally be more assertive and protective over your time. So, if you don’t already, set aside time every day to focus on you. Pamper yourself, take care of your own needs first, and watch how your energy and tolerance changes for negative people.

 

If you are really struggling to handle an emotional vampire in your life, you can also turn to therapy. Seeking help from a professional will enable you to understand why you can’t deal with the problem, as well as provide solutions that can help.

 

Emotional vampires are everywhere today. It isn’t always possible to get away from them immediately, but there are things you can do in the meantime to protect yourself and your energy.

 

Criticism Is Not Always Meant to Be Negative

Do you struggle to handle criticism? While some criticism does come from a negative place, most of the time it is meant with love and good intentions. Unfortunately, even if the person criticizing you is coming from a good place, it can still hurt. If you struggle to handle criticism, here we’ll look at why it isn’t always a negative thing. 

 

Differentiating Between Negative and Positive Criticism

 

There are a few ways to determine whether criticism is coming from a positive or negative place. It could be that you naturally respond badly to criticism of any kind. Many people are naturally defensive when they are met with criticism. So, the first step is to tame that initial negative reaction. 

 

Try and view the criticism with an open mind. Remember, none of us are perfect! Could there be any truth in what the person is saying? Also pay attention to how the criticism is delivered. Do they give a reason for their feedback, or does it appear that they are nit-picking just to be difficult?

 

Criticism can come from a negative place, but often it is said to help us improve. Being able to recognize when somebody is being helpful, or just negative, is important.

 

The Role of Self-Esteem 

 

Your self-esteem will largely determine how you react to criticism. The more confident you are, the less likely criticism is to affect you. Those who have a healthy dose of self-esteem will be able to learn from any criticism they receive without taking it too personally. 

 

Think about your own self-esteem. Could it use some improvement? If so, focus on ways to build up your self-esteem and you’ll notice this has a direct impact on your ability to handle criticism. You’ll find a lot of awesome self-esteem building tips online. 

 

Top Tips to Deal with People Who Criticize Instead of Critique

 

We’ve all been criticized when what we needed was an honest critique, with positive and negative points. As you work on building up your self-esteem, there are some other tips you can implement to deal with overly critical or negative people. 

 

Staying calm is important. You may find when you are met with criticism, your initial reaction is anger. However, if you express anger, it isn’t going to help the situation. In fact, it could work in your critic’s favor! Remaining calm gives, you the ability to fully understand where the criticism is coming from and enables you to deal with it much better.

 

If the problems are coming from your boss, try and get to the bottom of where the feedback is coming from. If you feel it is still unjust, ask to speak to somebody higher up in the company. Sometimes we need an outsiders view to see what is really happening.

 

Overall, criticism is never nice to deal with. However, it isn’t always meant as a negative. Some criticism can help you to grow and become a better person. So, don’t be quick to dismiss any criticism thrown your way. Think about it with an open mind and decide whether there is something to be learned. 

 

Is Your Own Negativity Affecting Your Friendships?

You will find a lot of information online about how to eliminate negative friendships from your life. However, what if the source of negativity is coming from you? 

 

It isn’t always easy to recognize when you are being negative. Some people have no idea how their negativity is impacting others. So, if your friendships have been suffering lately and you aren’t sure why, it could be down to your own mindset. 

 

Here, we’ll look at how your own negativity could be affecting your friendships and what you can do about it.

 

Are You a Negative Friend?

 

It isn’t always easy to identify negativity in ourselves. Many people are unaware that they are projecting negativity onto others. So, how can you identify if you are a negative friend? Here’s a few signs to look out for:

 

• You find it hard keeping friends

• You make plans knowing you’ll cancel them

• You don’t check in first or see how your friends are doing

• Most conversations are about you

• They don’t come to you for emotional support

 

Now, some of these signs may not be down to your own negativity. For example, you may not check in first with your friends because it used to always be you initiating contact. In that case, you wouldn’t necessarily be a negative friend.

 

Many people find it hard to keep friends. However, if you generally find it easy to make friends and not keep them, there may be a problem. Assess your friendships, including those from the past. Is there a pattern and could it be down to your negativity?

 

Life gets busy and it isn’t always easy to keep in touch with friends. However, if you literally never contact anyone first, this is a sign you are a negative friend. Remember, friendships are a two-way street. Your friends need to know you care about them too. 

Similarly, if you make plans knowing you’ll cancel them, and make all conversations about you, these are also negative friend traits. 

 

The Impact Negativity Has on Friendships

 

So, why is it important to be a more positive friend? The main one is that negativity can literally kill friendships. Nobody wants to be around somebody who is constantly negative. It brings down their mood, leading them to feel more depressed or drained after they have been around you. 

 

Another way negativity impacts friendships, is that it is bad for the heart. Studies have shown that negative friendships affect our heart health. So, you could unintentionally be causing your friends health issues with your constant negativity. These are just some of the problems you can cause if you are a negative friend.

 

When you bring negativity into your friendships, you won’t have strong relationships. Healthy friendships are important for our health and wellbeing. So, if you do identify as a negative friend, now’s the time to start working on adjusting your mindset. It might not be easy; but, doing so will ensure you have much healthier and happier friendships.

5 Places to Find Friends as an Adult

When did everything get so hard? 

 

Somewhere along the way, we grew up. Life started getting bogged down with responsibilities and plans for the future. While much of this is exciting, what happens all too often as we start laying aside our childhood, is we unintentionally put aside our innate ability to make friends easily.

 

Don’t believe me? Think back to when a trip to the playground ended in a ‘new best friend’ after about 20 minutes of sharing the swings with a stranger. Now ask yourself, when is the last time you connected that quickly with someone new?

 

The problem is, adult friendships are crucial, not just to our mental well-being, but to our physical health as well. It’s been proven that having friends leads to less stress, less chance of heart disease, and longer life.

 

But where do we find these new friends? 

 

Try an App

 

Hey!VINA works much like a dating app, but with one very significant difference. Here the goal is to find someone with like interests you may want to befriend. A quick swipe of your finger starts a conversation, leading to a connection and eventually, friendship.

 

Try a Meetup

 

Looking for some fun group activities in your area? Meetup.com is easy to use on your computer, tablet, or phone. Here you search for events of interest to you. You’re then presented with a variety of groups who like to engage in those activities, giving yourself a chance to meet several interesting people at once.

 

Learn Something

 

Signing up for a class allows you to indulge in a new interest at the same time as meeting someone new. Always wanted to cook gourmet dinners? Been thinking about taking flying lessons? Whatever interests you, this is a surefire way to meet new people.

 

Grab a Book

 

Your local library or independent bookstore is a great place to indulge a love of reading while at the same time, getting to know someone new. Book clubs stimulate you intellectually and introduce you to people in the community who share a love for the written word.

 

Take a Walk with a Furry Friend

 

If you have a dog, why not explore more than your own backyard? By taking Fido to your local dog park, you’ll have an opportunity to meet other dog lovers, while at the same time, giving your faithful friend a chance for a little puppy socialization. This is a win all around!

 

Meeting people doesn’t have to be complicated. Opportunities truly are everywhere. So be bold and try something new. You’ll be glad you did!

 

5 Reasons Why Adult Friendships are so Important

Why is it we never put enough emphasis on the important things in life? Are we really that busy?

 

Sadly, we tell ourselves precisely that. In fact, studies have shown we’re not taking the time for friends like we used to. According to a survey taken in the 1980s, the average adult had a minimum of three friends they were close to. Thirty years later, the same study came out with some chilling news. As many as one in four people claim to have no friends at all.

 

Why is it we don’t enjoy adult friendships? Could it be we’ve somehow gotten the idea they’re really not necessary? This is absolutely not the case. In fact, below, you will find five reasons why adult friends are crucial to your life and your good health. 

 

Friends Give Necessary Support

 

We’re not meant to go it alone. We need friends to act as everything from cheerleaders to a shoulder to cry on. 

 

Friends Teach Us How to Act

 

How do we conduct ourselves? If you’re socially awkward, it might be because no one taught you specific social skills critical to success. Friends are where we learn those skills. It’s with friends that we practice, finding out both what’s acceptable and what’s not. What’s more, friends help us get out of the ruts we fall into and challenge us to try social situations we might not otherwise consider.

 

Friends Give Us a Reality Check

 

Who else but a friend is going to tell you when you’re lying to yourself or wandering down the wrong path entirely? This kind of tough love is what keeps us from disaster and guides us away from the pitfalls of life.

 

Couple Friendships Guide Our Own Relationships

 

Not everyone was blessed with parents who modeled good relationship skills. Having “couple friends” is where we form our impressions of how couples in romantic relationships interact. It’s from these relationships we learn how to balance things like work and romance and how to handle the parenting component. Being able to talk to other couples about challenges unique to this kind of relationship also gives a much-needed place to learn.

 

Friendships are Good for Your Health

 

Studies have shown people who sustain healthy friendships live longer and enjoy a better quality of life. People who regularly spend time with friends are shown to adopt healthier lifestyles, experience fewer physical ailments such as heart disease, and have fewer issues with dementia as they age.

 

In short, adult friendships are an important part of your life and worth exploring. Now is not the time to hold back. Get out there, meet people, and discover all that life has to offer. Making time for friendships should be a priority for all adults.

 

6 Tips for Making Friends as an Adult

Who are your friends?

 

A recent survey has determined you might not have a lot of close relationships in your life. In fact, the number of people who claim to have more than three solid friendships in their lives is only 37% or one-third of the population. Even more discouraging is the idea that fully 27% of adults say they have no close relationships at all.

 

Making friends as an adult is a daunting idea. For one thing, we’re swamped. We get caught up on our personal responsibilities and business goals that frequently we don’t make time for a social life outside of loose connections with our children’s friends’ parents and professional networking. Who has the time?

 

Thankfully, you do. It actually takes less time than you think to discover the joy of adult friendships. You can start with these simple tips:

 

Start with the Old

 

Why reinvent the wheel? Instead, ask yourself who your friends used to be. Is it possible you can rekindle some old friendships? In this era of social media, tracking down your best friend from high school is easier than ever. Why not shoot someone a quick message or text to open up the conversation all over again?

 

Become a Listener

 

When in groups of new people, rather than working hard to be the life of the party, why not take a step back? Making a point to actively listen to people makes you more attractive to those around you (everyone loves a listener) and puts you in the position of discovering the things which intrigue you most about the others. It’s a simple way to learn about shared interests, so you can strike up a friendship.

 

Take it to the Next Level

 

Have acquaintances but aren’t quite ready to call them friends yet? Try opening up a little. Being vulnerable forges intimacy with others and deepens the friendship, taking it to the next level. 

 

Stay in Touch

 

Worried about how to hang onto the friends you have? If you want to keep people from falling off the radar and becoming distant, make a point to check in with them once in a while. Send a text, make a call, set up a chance to get together. By checking in, you’re telling the other person they’re important to you and worth your time. A general rule of thumb? Connect about every two weeks.

 

Make a Group

 

Even better? Start putting your friends together in one place by creating a group of friends. There’s nothing more fun than hanging out in a gathering of people who enjoy each other’s company. Start simple, with a lunch date or drinks after work.

How to Win Friends and Influence People

You may recognize the title of this article. It is that of a book written by the late Dale Carnegie. The advice in the book remains timeless.

 

In no way is this meant to steal from the original book. This was written as a kind of review of the book and as a reminder that this book can truly serve as a life guide on how to be influential. The book spells out some common-sense techniques, yet many people fail to implement them, even after they have read the book. This is why Dale Carnegie himself, suggested using the book as a reference after the first read. It’s important to reinforce the techniques described from time-to-time.

 

If you haven’t read the book (and you should), Carnegie describes techniques that make people want to be with you. One is the simple technique of using somebody’s name. This requires that you remember the name when a person is first introduced to you. But once you know the name, be sure to use it whenever you come in contact with that person. People value their names more than you could possibly imagine. The next time someone says your name when speaking to you, pay attention to how that makes you feel. It is likely to make you feel a connection with that person on a level that you probably took for granted in the past.

 

Another technique that Carnegie describes is to pay attention to other peoples’ likes and wants. If you know somebody that is into elephants, for example, when you come across items related to elephants, make that person aware of it. Carnegie goes into much greater depth about this, but you get the general idea. Take a genuine interest in others and you will find them drawing towards you more and more.

 

The techniques described in the book really are common sense, but they work. There are several other techniques that are described which can really give you those influencing abilities you want to acquire. What’s great about his techniques is they are not difficult to incorporate into your life and yet they have a tremendous impact in how you are looked upon by others. It is almost magical at how well it works.

 

It should be noted that Carnegie wrote the book to help salespeople sell better. The book was actually a by-product of a course he developed with the same motivation. You do not need to be a salesperson to take advantage of the techniques contained in this book.