Showing posts with label Decisions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Decisions. Show all posts

Saturday 10 December 2022

Should You Keep Your Dreams to Yourself?


In 2010, Derek Sivers participated in a TED Conference. His speech lasted just three minutes and in it, he encouraged people to not share their goals with their friends, family, co-workers, or anyone around them. Derek backed up his reasoning with several scientific studies (listen to his presentation here).

 

In his speech, Derek says, “When you tell someone your goal and they acknowledge it, psychologists have found that’s called a social reality. The mind is kind of tricked into feeling it’s already done. Then because you’ve felt that satisfaction, you’re less motivated to do the actual hard work necessary.”

 

Derek goes on to point out how talking about an important life change or goal can make you less likely to succeed. But those aren’t the only reasons you may want to keep your latest ambition a secret from everyone else. Here are three more reasons you should consider keeping mum:

 

Talking about a Goal Destroys Your Stamina

 

How many times have you told someone else you were going to do something hard? Maybe you told a co-worker that you’re planning on losing 50 pounds. Perhaps you told a family member that you were going to get out of debt this year. 

 

You may think doing this pumps you up and makes you more likely to accomplish your goals. But talking about doing something hard can actually drain your energy. You start to come up with all the reasons you won’t achieve it. You might tell yourself, “Well, I just can’t say ‘no’ to sugar. I don’t mind debt that much and I don’t want to change my standard of living.”

 

Sharing a Goal Can Discourage You

 

You’re really going to do it. This will be the year that you quit the factory job you hate so much and start your work at home business. Then you make the mistake of sharing a goal with someone else. 

 

The problem is the other person is negative and quickly points out all of the reasons you’re bound to fail. They may say unsupportive things like, “You don’t have a degree. You don’t have the time. Where are you going to get the money?” 

 

Within a few minutes, you start feeling discouraged. You’d felt so energized and were determined to act on your motivation earlier. But now, you’re filled with self-doubt and negativity.

 

Telling Others about Your Goal Can Damage Your Reputation

 

You’re always the one in your circle of friends with the big dreams. You love sharing your visions and ideas with other people. After all, your new goal is going to work out spectacularly.

 

The only problem is your goals change frequently.  You’re always pursuing something new and you rarely see a goal through to completion. While being a dreamer has its advantages, if you don’t pair your goals with follow-through, you can end up damaging your reputation. People will describe you as flaky and no one will trust your word.

 

Before you tell a friend or family member about your next goal, consider carefully if you should do that. You may accomplish this dream and become more successful if you keep it to yourself rather than sharing it with someone else.  

 


What’s the Dream You’re Afraid to Share?


You have a dream in your heart. It’s the one that’s so precious, so fragile, and so important to you that you don’t share it with others. You hold it close, in the hopes that by protecting it, you’ll one day get the chance to live it. 

 

That’s what Maddie did. She’d dreamed of being a writer since she was a kid. She wanted to write books and see them sold at bookstores around the world. She never shared the dream with anyone and by the time she graduated high school, she decided she needed a practical career.

 

So, she went to college for years and got a degree. Then she began a career as a dentist. She enjoyed getting to help her patients but she still went home every night, feeling unfulfilled. She daydreamed in the quiet moments about the books she’d write.

 

Why Does This Dream Scare You?

 

Are you like Maddie? Do you have a dream that you’ve managed to quiet over the years? Maybe you’ve told yourself that you’ll write that book when the kids are grown. Maybe you’ve decided that you’ll have time to travel when you retire. Maybe you’ve said that one day you’ll go back to school and pursue that career dream, just as soon as you have enough money.

 

But stop and think. Ask yourself what you’re really afraid of. What makes you so frightened of going after the dream? Are you afraid of what people will say? Do you worry that your spouse won’t be supportive? Are you concerned about being shunned by others in your community?

 

How Will It Change Your Life?

 

Sometimes, we fear fulfilling our dreams because it means change. Even good changes – like finally working in a career that makes you happy or making room in your life to travel as often as you want – can feel scary. 

 

Before you can go after that dream, you need to ponder how your life will change. You need to imagine the day you’ll leave your job. You should visualize the moment you step on the stage and receive the diploma you’ve always wanted. You need to close your eyes and create the life of your dreams in your mind.

 

Are You Ready to Pursue It?

 

There is a chasm between the life of your dreams and your life now. The space in between the two will be filled with hard work, bitter tears, crippling setbacks, and intense pain. But if you’re willing to persevere, you’ll find the life you want is on the other side.

 

Maddie followed after her dream of becoming an author. She started writing books. She took writing classes. She networked with other authors. She began submitting her work to publishing houses and got feedback that helped her improve her work even more. She hasn’t sold a book yet, but she’s close. 

 

It takes courage to pursue your dreams and it’s tough. But it’s not nearly as hard as sitting on the sidelines of your own life, hoping that one day you get a chance to live out your deepest longings.



Are You Journaling Your Dream?


You’ve decided to get serious about your dream. But the dream is big and you feel overwhelmed. You’re not sure where to start or how to breathe life into it. You only know you want it so badly that you can taste it.

 

You’re first step could be journaling your dream. Find or buy a journal. Pick one that fits your personality and inspires you to fill each page. Some people like buying fancy leather bound journals while others prefer notebooks from a discount store. It doesn’t matter what your journal looks like or what material it’s made from, it only matters that you love it.

 

Capturing the Journey

 

If you’re not sure how to begin your journal, begin by writing about your dream. Talk about when you first remember becoming aware of the dream. Did you know you wanted to write books when you stepped into the library as a little kid? Did you know you were meant to be on stage when you participated in the theater club in high school? Did you only just discover your dream? Write about it!

 

It’s important that you remember this journal is for your eyes only. You don’t have to worry about perfect spelling and grammar. You’re not going to be graded on your sentence structure or expected to use the right punctuation. You’re free to let everything out in this space.

 

Praying for the Dream You Desire

 

Some people use journaling as a way of connecting with God and praying over their dreams. For example, one woman would start her journal entries with the words: “Dear Heavenly Father…”. She viewed each entry as a love letter to God and found it helpful to share her dream journey with Him.

 

Another woman used her journal to draw images that depicted her life. If she had a bad day and experienced a setback, she would sketch her frustrations and pain. When she had a good day, she would depict her feelings in the forms of cartoons. 

 

Speaking Your Dream into Existence

 

After you’ve dreamed or doodled your goals in your journal, it can be helpful to brainstorm your mantra. You can then repeat these mantras when you’re working on your goal and when you’re tempted to give up and let your dream die.

 

For example, Lesley’s dream was to become a public speaker despite the fact that she suffers from social anxiety. She wanted to spend her time motivating teenagers who felt like everyone had given up on them. 

 

As she began looking for speaking opportunities, she would repeat to herself, “I believe in myself and in my dreams. The world is filled with hurting teenagers who need to hear my message.” 

 

When it comes to your journal, there are no rules. If you want to doodle or draw all over it, do it. If you want to fill it with letters to God or the universe, do it. If you want to write your mantra down a hundred times a day, do it. Remember, this is your safe space where you’re free to dream. 



Saturday 3 December 2022

Using Challenges to Develop More Discipline


One way you can develop more discipline is to use challenges. This makes it more like a game and less like a chore. Also, there can be the element of competition with others and having others help hold you accountable which improves your odds of success. 

 

Challenges are very popular and you can find them in many places. Or you can make up your own and share it with a group of people. You also can make your own challenge or use one from someone else to just challenge yourself. However, you end up doing it is up to you. 

 

When looking to see if a challenge will be useful to you, there are some factors to look for, so you can best benefit. Is the challenge realistic? You want to stretch yourself, but not to the point where you have no chance of success. For example, you could challenge yourself to lose 30 pounds in 30 days, but that is not very realistic. You also want the challenge to not be too easy. You need to see if you have the time to devote to it. Be sure to include time for learning new things, For example, if you challenge yourself to build a new blogging website in 30 days, remember that if you have never done one before, you will have to learn some things and that will be extra time above just writing the blog posts.

 

If the challenge is a large one over a longer period of time, are there clear-cut milestones along the way to help you have a sense of accomplishment? If your challenge, for example, is losing 60 pounds in a year, you need to set up smaller weight goals along the way so you can keep up the momentum. Milestones also help you see if you need to tweak the challenge, either lower or higher. If you lose 10 pounds in about 2 months, you are right on schedule, If you have only lost 5 pounds in that same time period, though, you may need to lower the amount you plan on losing in a year. Now if you lose 15 pounds in 2 months, you may want to raise the amount you plan on losing in a year, or cut the time down to say 10 months. 

 

When you do a group challenge, you have some added benefits. There is a sense of camaraderie when working together on a goal that you do not get just competing with yourself. Other people can give you ideas, too. For example if you are in a group losing weight, people can share healthy recipes and support. Just remember that the primary person you are in competition with is not the others, but yourself and you can really enjoy doing a group challenge. 

 


5 Steps to Challenging the Status Quo to Live a More Fulfilled Life


An article recently stated this: to feel fulfilled, you need to experience three things.


  • You must be doing something which challenges you.
  • You must feel interested in the things you do.
  • There needs to be some reward for doing these things.

 

The problem with most people is they don't experience all three of these at the same time. When you get stuck in the status quo, you frequently are no longer being challenged. Things might be somewhat interesting, but they're not exciting. Even if there is a reward in the form of a paycheck or a stable relationship, losing the other two items do not make up for this.

 

It's time to challenge the status quo. How? Follow these five steps.

 

Quit Doing What Everyone Else Is

 

Sure, everyone else might be happy and doing a certain thing, but this doesn't mean you are. People have all kinds of jobs. They're involved in all kinds of activities. Not all of these are right for you. By focusing less on what everyone does and more on what you want, you will feel much happier. 

 

Stand Out More

 

Seriously, are you happy playing it safe? Or would you instead take a chance on being seen for who you are, in all of your magnificent, eccentric glory? The beautiful thing about letting go of the idea of fitting in is you no longer are stuck as a follower. It's a lot more fun being the trendsetter anyway.

 

Quit Thinking You Can Buy Your Way to Happiness

 

When we're not happy, we start burying ourselves in stuff, thinking this will somehow make up for it. The harsh truth? All the new TVs, fancy cars, and exotic vacations in the world are never going to make you feel any more fulfilled. Doing what you hate to get ahead is always going to be a soul-suck.

 

Start Trusting Yourself More

 

You don't need everyone else to tell you what to do. You already have pretty solid instincts. Do what feels right to you. Honor your moral code. You'll find you're a lot happier for it.

 

Take More Chances

 

Playing it safe is one of the most significant ways we lock ourselves into the status quo. Unfortunately, this is how you also ever keep from bettering yourself. If you want your life to change, you're going to have to take a chance on doing something different. 

 

Together these five items become a powerful force of change. Dedicate yourself to living life outside the lines. Explore your dreams and embrace the person you are inside. Find challenge and passion, and you've got a fulfilling life.

 

As for the rest? Remember the adage: Do what you love, and the money will follow. You've got this!



6 Strategies to Challenge Your Inner Critic’s Voice


It’s time you cultivated an attitude

 

Look, life can be hard sometimes. The last thing you need is your Inner Critic taking the wheel, getting on your case about every last little thing you’re trying to do. Why are you listening to someone who doesn’t have your best interest at heart? No, it’s time to challenge your Inner Critic and silence their voice once and for all. 

 

How? Try these tried-and-true strategies:

 

Start Noticing

 

Inner Critics like to whisper, never to speak out loud. The last thing they want is to be noticed in their nefarious schemes. By paying attention to what’s going on in your head, you draw their lies out into the light where they cannot stand. 

 

Give it a Nickname

 

Whenever the Inner Critic speaks up, give it a silly name. Think to yourself things like “Hey, it’s Moldyvort, back again to cause trouble.” By making fun of this voice, it’s a whole lot harder to take seriously.

 

What about a Voice?

 

Do you hear some pretty negative things? Try saying them out loud. By giving voice to these thoughts, you’ll hear just how ridiculous they sound. 

 

Take a Negativity Break

 

Tell your Inner Critic they can only come out to play at a particular time each day. During that time, take a break and tell the Inner Critic to do their worst. Be sure to set a timer for the space allotted, so you don’t give more time to the negativity than necessary. Sit back and let it speak its piece. The funny thing? Most of the time, you won’t even remember what it was the Critic had to say by the time your negativity break rolls around. Even if you do, when the timer goes off, remind yourself you’re done and walk away. 

 

Question Everything

 

Is there any truth to what your Inner Critic is saying? Examine the statements. Feel free to argue back. Point out the flaws in the reasoning and back it up with examples of times when you’ve proven those things aren’t true.

 

Replace the Words

 

Finally, drop the negative words entirely and rewrite the script to turn each negative into a positive. For example, saying, “I’m terrible at writing reports” can become “I did a great job on the last report I wrote. I bet this one will be fine too.”

 

Remember, silencing an Inner Critic is going to take time and energy. This kind of voice doesn’t just shut up because you told them to go away once. No, you’re going to have to do the work, using these strategies until you’re finally free of the nasty little voice.

 

Once you’ve got it, though? Your world will change enormously in some pretty great ways. After all, without your critic to hold you back, you’re primed for success in a huge way.



Wednesday 2 November 2022

You're Not Guaranteed Another Minute, and That's Beautiful


No one is guaranteed a certain amount of time on this planet. There are 24 hours in a day, but not one of them is promised to you. You aren't guaranteed to see the ending of a movie just because you've made it up to the climax.

 

Truth be told, you can't be sure you'll be existing 60 seconds from now.

 

You're probably thinking that this is a dismal and negative picture we're painting. Please don't believe that. There is incredible beauty found in this idea if you let it come to light.

 

It's something that we often learn later in life. We suffer a devastating loss, and we look back on our past. Perhaps a friend or family member passes away. We think about all the things we wish we would've told that person. 

 

Regret often accompanies the loss of a loved one. The wise person will let that regret pass. They begin to think of all the wonderful memories created with the person that's no longer in their life. They smile and get good feelings reminiscing that way.

 

Eventually, our own mortality comes to mind. We realize that the world can change in the blink of an eye. When this happens to you, hopefully you never forget that lesson.

 

Embrace All the Beauty and Positivity in the Present Moment

 

The things you've done in your past, even the past few seconds, cannot be changed. For all intents and purposes, that means it doesn't exist. You can reminisce about wonderful times in the past and that's a good thing. But you have no control over your past.

 

The future doesn't exist. You can't guarantee the future, even a few seconds or minutes or an hour from now. Embrace that. Understand what it means. This natural fact means that you owe it to yourself to live in the present moment right now.

 

Own it. Experience it fully with all of your senses. With the knowledge that we're guaranteed no amount of time on earth, you'll start to see beauty everywhere. You understand how your entire existence is only one present moment at a time. 

 

Think about it this way and you'll make better plans. While your future isn't guaranteed, embracing this mindset will have you making smarter plans for your future. You'll take your relationships much more seriously. Embrace the present moment without guarantees of anything in the future and you'll start calling the people that you love and telling them how much they mean to you.

 

No matter what you do, you can't alter the fact that nothing is guaranteed in life. 

 

This may seem like a heavy conversation to have with young people, but it needs to happen. It can produce an appreciation for relationships and beauty and positivity that otherwise might not exist. You owe it to yourself to plan for a wonderful future. You should also give yourself the gift of being totally alive and present in the now.

 


The Benefits of Mindfulness


You have probably been told that embarking on a journey to become more mindful in your life will be very beneficial to you. But you may be wondering just what are the benefits of being more mindful. There are so many benefits to being more mindful in your life, some of which are explained below.  

 

Stress Reduction

 

If you are like most people in this world, you live a busy life that is often full of stress. And stress has proven to be both bad for the body and the mind. When you work on becoming more mindful in your life, this will help reduce your stress. It will also help improve other mental aspects, such as focus and efficiency, which are often impeded by the effects of stress. 

 

Better Sleep

 

Do you have trouble sleeping at night? Well, becoming more mindful can help you with that as well. Being more mindful helps reduce the number of the ailments which cause problems sleeping, such as anxiety and stress. So, once you become more mindful, you’ll sleep more deeply and wake feeling more rested. 

 

Improved Relationships

 

It can be hard to maintain relationships in your life if you lack empathy or are prone to emotional outbursts. Improving your mindfulness can help with both of these, as in one study performed by the California State University San Marcos, it was discovered that instruction in mindfulness both increases empathy and emotional control—meaning participants were less likely to have emotional outbursts in the future. 

 

More Fulfillment

 

Mindfulness can help you feel happier and more fulfilled. This is because part of mindfulness is learning who you are and how to accept yourself and your life as it is. It will also help you set more effective goals for yourself and handle any difficult situations that may come your way confidently. This means you will be less likely to be thrown off when something in your life doesn’t go as planned, and you will be able to move forward with your life with ease. 

 

Of course, these aren’t all the benefits of mindfulness, as the list goes on and on. But when you take steps to become more mindful, the benefits you will experience will transform your life in several ways, which will lead you to become a happier person who maintains excellent relationships with others.   



What Does Contentment Mean?


People may have told you at some point in your life that you need to have more contentment. But what does this mean exactly? Unsurprisingly, being content is something that will look different for every individual. There are a few similar attributes that content people share, though. 

 

Contentment Is Being Grateful

 

When you have contentment, you are grateful for all the things you have in life. And this doesn't just mean physical possessions. It also means being content with the people you have in life and less tangible things like your abilities and skills. If you struggle with being grateful for the things you have, it may help if you make a list of all the things you are grateful for in life. It would be best if you did this regularly. This way, you will have a visual of all the amazing aspects of your life, and it will help keep these things at the forefront of your mind. 

 

Contentment Is Living in the Moment

 

Living a life filled with contentment means you spend your time living in the moment rather than dwelling in the past. When you find yourself thinking too much about the past, it's time to try to let these regrets go. So, when you find yourself surrounded by friends at an event, instead of looking in your phone at social media and other things that happened in the past, you need to put your phone down and resolve to enjoy the moment, and whatever may come your way.

 

Being Content Is Being Happy

 

Above all else, being content in life means you are happy with things just like they are. Contentment means you don't need to worry about physical possessions because you know that you have everything you need to be successful and happy. If acquiring physical possessions is something you frequently do, the next time you find yourself wanting to buy something, ask yourself if you need it or if you want it. Chances are you probably don’t need whatever it is you are about to buy.

 

In conclusion, contentment means many different things to people, but in general, being content means that you are grateful for what you have, that you live in the moment, and that you are overall happy with the way your life is going. The road to achieving contentment won’t always be easy, but you can guarantee you will be happy when you get there. 

 


Monday 24 October 2022

5 Ways To Be A Socially Responsible Person


According to the dictionary, being a socially responsible person means ‘working or operating in ways that aren’t harmful to society or the environment.’ In other words, when you acknowledge your responsibility for your choices and be accountable for your actions, you’re socially responsible.

 

You may not feel you’re not making a powerful impact like Bill Gates or Warren Buffet can by donating millions of dollars. However, you still have the power to contribute in your own way.

 

An excellent place to start would be to start reducing your footprint. Remember, our planet needs all of us to put in the effort. So, no matter how minor you may think your role is, you’re still making a world of difference!

 

To help get you started, scroll down for five ways you can be a socially responsible person.

 

1. Stay Informed

 

Always stay up to date on the events taking place around you, both locally and globally. This way, you gain a better perspective on what environmental issues need immediate fixing and what you can do about them.

 

Many times, we get sucked into the vortex of our hectic lives, and we lose sight of the big picture. By knowing all current and relevant information, you’ll start seeing the big picture. Thus, your actions will be geared towards things that can actually help benefit the environment.

 

2. Get Active

 

Everybody talks a good talk, but few ever do anything about it. So, why not be the change you want to see in this world and start participating in your community?

 

Getting out there and doing something is a great way to actively take part in helping out the environment. How about volunteering at various events to get better acquainted with your neighbours and community members?

 

Another idea is to attend community meetings and brainstorm ways to reduce pollutants. The more you participate, the more you’ll discover there are plenty of great ideas and opinions that can go into improving your community.

 

3. Show Empathy

 

Those suffering from a food or water shortage problem can be all the way across the globe. But that doesn’t mean you’re not affected by it, even on a small scale.

 

This is why showing empathy and being sensitive towards other people’s dilemmas are two of the best ways you can be socially responsible. It shows that you recognize other people’s pain and suffering. At the same time, it motivates you to build productive habits and reduce your use of some of the things that played a part in creating these problems in the first place.

 

4. Be a Responsible Consumer

 

Before you buy anything, find out where it’s made. Then, take a look at the company’s practice with regard to the environment, as well as their staff.

 

Another idea is to buy sustainably. This means buying products made of natural fibres that easily biodegrade and return to the ground as organic matter.

 

On the other hand, synthetic fibres may look fashionable. But they’re not biodegradable, which means they remain in the environment for hundreds of years, increasing pollution levels as well as greenhouse gases.

 

Also, try to buy locally as much as you can. It’ll go a long way in supporting businesses in your area while boosting the economy in your community. It also cuts back on shipping expenses. So, you save money while saving the environment from an excess of delivery trucks going back and forth.

 

5. Make Smart Decisions

 

Making smart decisions on a day-to-day basis means building good habits. For example, one way to reduce your water consumption is to turn the water off while brushing your teeth or shaving.

 

Reuse and recycle plastic products as much as possible to reduce the amount of waste. Also, take along a canvas shopping bag when buying groceries. You’ll reduce your plastic consumption and look super cool doing it!



5 Things to Remember to Improve Your Self-Esteem


Are you overly concerned about what other people think about you? Do you find yourself worrying about what others say about you? While it is natural to seek the approval of others, those who have a high self-esteem, and are self-confident, are able to discount the negative opinions of others and to remain assured of their own self-worth. 

 

Focusing on building your self-confidence can be made easier when you keep these five things in mind the next time you find yourself worried about what someone else believes about you.

 

1. Never guess what others might be thinking

 

You cause yourself much unnecessary suffering when you waste your energy imagining that others may intend you harm. You truly have no idea what anyone else is thinking. Train yourself to avoid making any assumptions about what others may be thinking - and train yourself to avoid making any assumptions about why other people choose to do or to say something - or to not do or to not say anything. 

 

2. Live your own life 

 

There is no way your life is "supposed" to be lived. There are no "authorities" appointed to judge the worthiness of your life. You have no responsibility to please anyone other than yourself. Be of service to humanity, but never be anyone's doormat. Live your own life full out. Live boldly with vision, purpose, and commitment. Establish your own life purpose, and live your own life. 

 

3. Make your own choices

 

Your plan for your life is the only plan that matters. Your parents and your family, perhaps your church and your friends, have plans for your life, but those people are mere spectators of your life - the life you get to live every day. 

 

4. Value your own opinions

 

Why would you consider someone else's opinions, or wishes, to be more important than your own? In fact, why should anyone else's opinions carry any weight whatsoever in how you live your life? Make your life choices sincerely and deliberately. Then never second-guess your own values and choices simply because they may not be approved of by those around you. 

 

5. Choose to associate mostly with positive people who support you 

 

You can't completely avoid negative people - there are probably a few negative people in your extended family and where you work. However, you can make the choice to limit your exposure to negative people, and to cultivate friends and acquaintances who have a positive outlook on life, who share many of your essential values, and who value you as a person.



What Are the Benefits of a Positive Self-Image?


With all the negativity that exists in the world, it’s difficult to imagine any other way to be. But the benefits of having a positive self-image are numerous. Following are some of the major benefits.

 

Get More Done

 

When you have a positive outlook, you are more likely to find ways that work rather than look for reasons why they won’t. If something doesn’t work the way you wanted, you have the right attitude to try something else without getting discouraged. If you eventually get a little down, it won’t last because of your positive attitude.

 

Get More Out of Others

 

Did you ever notice people who maintain a positive attitude? They likely have no trouble getting others to participate and are typically the leaders of a group. This is for good reason. It’s because they are approachable and will help you find ways to solve problems. And they do this without any complaints. There will be a few negative people but most of the group will be on board and helpful.

 

It’s Better for your Health

 

Positive thinkers are less stressed out, all things being equal. Even if they come across stressful situations, their attitude will get them through it much quicker than those that insist on being negative. When there is less stress in your life, you will naturally be healthier than those who are constantly stressed out.

 

You Will Be a More Pleasant Person

 

People gravitate towards positive people, even if it is on a subconscious level. It simply feels better to speak to people who continuously are positive. You gain more friends and they tend to be lasting relationships. Negative people may still develop friendships but they usually won’t last as more people realize they are a drag to be with.

 

You Tend to Be More Satisfied

 

When you solve more problems by being positive, you are likely to get more done which will get you noticed by others. This is satisfying as more will jump on board to people who show they get things done. In many instances, this can lead to more promotions which usually includes higher salaries. Yet, your positive attitude will show others that this is not your true motivation. 

 

With all the benefits associated with having a positive attitude, the right course of action should always be to strive to become more positive. It takes practice and won’t happen overnight but is well worth pursuing.

 


Are your Toxic Friends Lowering Your Self-Esteem?


Do you have toxic friends? Are there people in your friendship group that seem to be intent on bringing you down instead of lifting you up? Your toxic friends can be damaging to your health and your self-esteem. 

 

How can you tell if a friend is toxic?

 

  • Do they focus on your weaknesses or bad points, even if it’s “only joking?”
  • Do they criticize your clothes, appearance, choices or actions?
  • Do they let you down, like “forgetting” to show up for dates?
  • Do they borrow money, but don’t pay it back?
  • Do they try and pressure you into doing things when you don’t want to?
  • Do they always talk about themselves and their problems and never about yours?
  • Do they talk up their lives, but are negative or dismissive about yours?
  • Do you have to make all the organizing for trips, dinners, or even just staying in touch?
  • Are they happy and celebrate your successes? Or do they snipe or criticize? 
  • Do they stand you up, even if you organized that vacation, dinner, or party months ago?

 

If someone is continually telling you that you need to lose weight, or you’ll never get a good job or write that book, they are not your friend. If they borrow money or your car or your clothes, they are subliminally (and not very subtly) telling you that you’re not worth much at all. If they treat you like a doormat, sooner or later you’ll come to believe you’re a doormat. 

 

Toxic friends are holding up a distorting mirror - showing you a negative reflection that is not you - it’s a part of them. But this reflection can undermine your self-esteem and leave you feeling powerless. You don’t need that in your life. 

 

Friends are supposed to add to your life, to make you feel good, to be there for you when times are tough, to support you, and celebrate the good times. Toxic friends continually let you down and undermine you. Bad friendships can affect your physical and mental health, leading to high blood pressure, lower immunity, depression, and anxiety. Research has shown that supportive friendships can boost your immune system and people with good friends even live longer!

 

So, take a look at the so-called friends who don’t make you feel good about yourself and decide whether you want them in your life or not. You can choose to let them fade out of your life, allowing more time to make real friends.